BURLINGTON TONWSHIP, N.J. — Federal authorities are investigating how hundreds of gravestones from a veterans' cemetery ended up in a Burlington Township yard.
The Veterans Affairs Department says gravestones from national cemeteries are usually destroyed when they are cracked or damaged.
But authorities say hundreds of tombstones from the Beverly National Cemetery were found as part of the home's landscaping. Some date back to the Spanish-American War.
The U.S. Attorney's Office searched the property on Monday.
The stones, which weigh 230 pounds each, were hauled away on Tuesday.
Authorities have not released the name of the homeowner.
hot dating articles at http://dating.chovva.com
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Mario Kart Wii's arriving in the US in Spring 2008, you say? Little vague there, Nintendo. Need something more concrete. Oh, what's that?
THE alternative trading system Liquidnet is doing big business while it lobbies for a licence to compete with the Australian Securities Exchange.
Since launching on February 20, the "selective" trading system — which only accepts institutional clients — has facilitated equity trades worth more than $200 million.
Acting like a sharemarket dating service, Liquidnet matches buyers and sellers, allowing them to complete their transaction in one go rather than having to divide it up to disguise its size. In the past four weeks, Santos shares valued at $5.4 million changed hands in a single transaction.
"Institutions have outgrown the market's ability to handle their business effectively," said New York-based Liquidnet founder Seth Merrin, who was in Melbourne yesterday to promote the multinational business.
Liquidnet operates under an Australian financial services licence and employs a broker, but the company has applied for a markets licence, which would allow it to conduct trades independently of the ASX.
Mr Merrin, and Liquidnet Asia managing director David Klinger, said the move would add competition to the monopolistic Australian market, therefore reducing trading costs. "If you reduce the cost of trading, there will be more trading," Mr Merrin said.
But like Instinet's Chi-X Australia trading system, Liquidnet is waiting for approval from the Australian Securities and Investments Commission.
Mr Merrin said the route to approval had been "circuitous". But in light of recent issues, such as delayed settlement in the market and suspected market manipulation, he emphasised Liquidnet's reliability.
"In seven years we have never had one issue (with settlements)," he said. "We are very careful about who our clients are."
Liquidnet operates as a broker in the US and Europe, and executes trades in Hong Kong and Japan. It has offices in six cities around the world, including Sydney.
hot dating articles at http://dating.chovva.com
Since launching on February 20, the "selective" trading system — which only accepts institutional clients — has facilitated equity trades worth more than $200 million.
Acting like a sharemarket dating service, Liquidnet matches buyers and sellers, allowing them to complete their transaction in one go rather than having to divide it up to disguise its size. In the past four weeks, Santos shares valued at $5.4 million changed hands in a single transaction.
"Institutions have outgrown the market's ability to handle their business effectively," said New York-based Liquidnet founder Seth Merrin, who was in Melbourne yesterday to promote the multinational business.
Liquidnet operates under an Australian financial services licence and employs a broker, but the company has applied for a markets licence, which would allow it to conduct trades independently of the ASX.
Mr Merrin, and Liquidnet Asia managing director David Klinger, said the move would add competition to the monopolistic Australian market, therefore reducing trading costs. "If you reduce the cost of trading, there will be more trading," Mr Merrin said.
But like Instinet's Chi-X Australia trading system, Liquidnet is waiting for approval from the Australian Securities and Investments Commission.
Mr Merrin said the route to approval had been "circuitous". But in light of recent issues, such as delayed settlement in the market and suspected market manipulation, he emphasised Liquidnet's reliability.
"In seven years we have never had one issue (with settlements)," he said. "We are very careful about who our clients are."
Liquidnet operates as a broker in the US and Europe, and executes trades in Hong Kong and Japan. It has offices in six cities around the world, including Sydney.
hot dating articles at http://dating.chovva.com
Mario Kart Wii Hits US On April 27
Mario Kart Wii's arriving in the US in Spring 2008, you say? Little vague there, Nintendo. Need something more concrete. Oh, what's that? It's launching on April 27, 2008? Much better. By my watch that has it 16 days after the European release, so if you'll excuse me, I have to pop outside and catch the flying pigs as they fall from the sky. Dead. Dead from the shock of it all.
Hit the jump for press release readin' fun.
Nintendo Speeds Into Spring With Mario Kart Wii
Hotly Anticipated Racing Game Includes Innovative Wii Wheel
REDMOND, Wash., March 12 /PRNewswire/ -- This year, the typical signs of
spring will be accompanied by the sweet sound of revving engines and the sight
of lightning-fast shells whizzing around every corner. Mario Kart(R) Wii is
zooming toward its launch in the United States on April 27. The game comes
with the intuitive Wii Wheel(TM), which makes it easy for novices to compete
against veterans, so no one is left in the dust. And with a broadband hookup
to Nintendo(R) Wi-Fi Connection, players can compete with up to 11 other
drivers from around the world for racing dominance.
(Photo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20080312/LAW040)
(Logo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20061011/LAW104LOGO)
"Mario Kart Wii transforms one of our most popular franchises into a race
that every member of the family can join," said Cammie Dunaway, Nintendo of
America's executive vice president of Sales & Marketing. "Driving with the Wii
Wheel could not be more natural, and this is one place where speeding is
encouraged."
Mario Kart Wii will include 16 new courses and 16 classic courses from
previous Mario Kart games. For the first time ever, players have the option of
racing with either karts or motorbikes. Players can also hit the road as their
personalized Mii(TM) caricatures in addition to the handful of classic
Nintendo characters found in the game. True to the series, the game features
tons of racing, plenty of power-ups and oodles of objects for players to use
to slow down other drivers. And 10 battle arenas will keep players busy
between trips around the circuit.
The easy-to-use Wii Wheel will also be sold as a separate accessory,
giving every driver in the household a chance to get behind his or her own
wheel. And if veteran Mario Kart fans are afraid of getting smoked by rookie
drivers using the Wii Wheel, they can rest assured that Nintendo has them
covered. Mario Kart Wii supports four different control options: Wii
Remote(TM) with or without the Wii Wheel, Wii Remote and Nunchuk(TM)
controller combo, Classic Controller and even the Nintendo GameCube(TM)
controller. So there's bound to be a configuration that fits everyone's style.
Mario Kart Wii launches with a new channel added to the Wii Menu to
enhance game play: The Mario Kart Wii Channel. This new channel builds on the
huge online community of Wii owners and lets players compete in tournaments,
check worldwide rankings, see when their friends are playing and download
ghost data.
Remember that Wii features parental controls that let adults manage the
content their children can access. For more information about this and other
Wii features, visit Wii.com. For more information about Mario Kart Wii, visit
MarioKart.com.
Hit the jump for press release readin' fun.
Nintendo Speeds Into Spring With Mario Kart Wii
Hotly Anticipated Racing Game Includes Innovative Wii Wheel
REDMOND, Wash., March 12 /PRNewswire/ -- This year, the typical signs of
spring will be accompanied by the sweet sound of revving engines and the sight
of lightning-fast shells whizzing around every corner. Mario Kart(R) Wii is
zooming toward its launch in the United States on April 27. The game comes
with the intuitive Wii Wheel(TM), which makes it easy for novices to compete
against veterans, so no one is left in the dust. And with a broadband hookup
to Nintendo(R) Wi-Fi Connection, players can compete with up to 11 other
drivers from around the world for racing dominance.
(Photo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20080312/LAW040)
(Logo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20061011/LAW104LOGO)
"Mario Kart Wii transforms one of our most popular franchises into a race
that every member of the family can join," said Cammie Dunaway, Nintendo of
America's executive vice president of Sales & Marketing. "Driving with the Wii
Wheel could not be more natural, and this is one place where speeding is
encouraged."
Mario Kart Wii will include 16 new courses and 16 classic courses from
previous Mario Kart games. For the first time ever, players have the option of
racing with either karts or motorbikes. Players can also hit the road as their
personalized Mii(TM) caricatures in addition to the handful of classic
Nintendo characters found in the game. True to the series, the game features
tons of racing, plenty of power-ups and oodles of objects for players to use
to slow down other drivers. And 10 battle arenas will keep players busy
between trips around the circuit.
The easy-to-use Wii Wheel will also be sold as a separate accessory,
giving every driver in the household a chance to get behind his or her own
wheel. And if veteran Mario Kart fans are afraid of getting smoked by rookie
drivers using the Wii Wheel, they can rest assured that Nintendo has them
covered. Mario Kart Wii supports four different control options: Wii
Remote(TM) with or without the Wii Wheel, Wii Remote and Nunchuk(TM)
controller combo, Classic Controller and even the Nintendo GameCube(TM)
controller. So there's bound to be a configuration that fits everyone's style.
Mario Kart Wii launches with a new channel added to the Wii Menu to
enhance game play: The Mario Kart Wii Channel. This new channel builds on the
huge online community of Wii owners and lets players compete in tournaments,
check worldwide rankings, see when their friends are playing and download
ghost data.
Remember that Wii features parental controls that let adults manage the
content their children can access. For more information about this and other
Wii features, visit Wii.com. For more information about Mario Kart Wii, visit
MarioKart.com.
Diaz and Dillon dating again
Matt Dillon and Cameron Diaz have sparked rumours they have rekindled their relationship.
The former couple - who dated for three years after meeting on the set of hit movie 'There's Something About Mary' - were spotted in Los Angeles' exclusive Chateau Marmont hotel earlier this week.
An onlooker said: "Cameron looked so happy when she spotted Matt. She ran over to him and greeted him with a big hug. He looked equally as happy to see her, and they just stood grinning at each other for a while.
"They were drinking and laughing together, and at one point Cameron put her hand on Matt's cheek. They definitely looked like their chemistry was back on track."
Matt, 44, and 35-year-old Cameron split in 1998, after 'Charlie's Angels'
star Cameron reportedly decided she wasn't ready to settle down.
Since their break-up, Cameron has dated actor Jared Leto, 'SexyBack' star Justin Timberlake and 'Gravity' singer John Mayer.
'To Die For' actor Matt hasn't publicly dated anyone since splitting from Cameron.
hot dating articles at http://dating.chovva.com
The former couple - who dated for three years after meeting on the set of hit movie 'There's Something About Mary' - were spotted in Los Angeles' exclusive Chateau Marmont hotel earlier this week.
An onlooker said: "Cameron looked so happy when she spotted Matt. She ran over to him and greeted him with a big hug. He looked equally as happy to see her, and they just stood grinning at each other for a while.
"They were drinking and laughing together, and at one point Cameron put her hand on Matt's cheek. They definitely looked like their chemistry was back on track."
Matt, 44, and 35-year-old Cameron split in 1998, after 'Charlie's Angels'
star Cameron reportedly decided she wasn't ready to settle down.
Since their break-up, Cameron has dated actor Jared Leto, 'SexyBack' star Justin Timberlake and 'Gravity' singer John Mayer.
'To Die For' actor Matt hasn't publicly dated anyone since splitting from Cameron.
hot dating articles at http://dating.chovva.com
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Wine dating is new way for Irish to fall in love
IRISH singletons are combining their quest for love with their search for the perfect wine.
A brand new online dating company, winedaters.ie, is offering lovelorn people the chance to find their dream match while broadening their knowledge of good wine.
Those opting to use the new service, which is being launched in Dublin this week, get to mingle with the opposite sex while sampling new wines.
The dating experience is the brainchild of David Kavanagh, a well-known dating expert who has been behind a number of novel dating concepts.
He believes the service is the perfect choice for those who have ever considered going on a wine tasting experience but wanted a hint of romance thrown in.
“The wines act as ice-breakers to get everybody chatting and interacting,” said David, who believes the new experience will be a huge hit with the Irish public.
“For many people who hate the idea of speed-dating, this new idea is a great way of breaking the stigma that so many people feel going to singles events,” he added.
Those who attend the winedaters. ie evenings will join other like-minded singletons who will then be matched up at tables of four. The table will then be given an exclusive new wine to sample and discuss. Each participant will be given the opportunity to meet up to 12 potential matches and sample six new wines.
“Once the group have mingled and chatted, the gents change tables and a new wine is delivered to the waiting socialites,” explained David.
Following the event, participants will then log into the website and register their matches. The service will then notify the love interest of the matches within 24 hours.
As a novelty after the event, people who are found to be matches with each another can send bottles of their favourite wines as a token of their affection to their match from the night.
The service is also offering them the opportunity to order discounted wines on the same night
“We liked the idea of allowing gents and ladies, if they so wish, to be chivalrous and romantic. What better way to make contact again than by sending someone a quality bottle of wine,” added David.
The company plans to run events for all ages from 25-60 with each event tailored to suit the energy of the group.
Dear Dana, my friend is dating someone who I know is not treating her right!
Dear Dana,
My friend is dating someone who I know is not treating her right. He yells at her all the time, and pretty much makes her miserable. I really care about her, but I'm getting tired of giving her the same advice when she doesn't take it. She totally doesn't listen to me.
- Friendlygirl
Dear Friendlygirl,
You should be very proud that friends consider you wise enough to seek advice from you. This girl obviously trusts you enough to let you in on her troubles, and you shouldn't lose sight of that.
When it comes to love, many people are blind.
However, you shouldn't feel like someone's therapist. Being a good friend comes with some obligations, but you can't be responsible for her every problem.
You sound like you're wearing out, and if you feel like you've done all you can to help her; say that. She should understand that you're not just someone she can vent on whenever she wants.
You're treading a thin line though, Friendlygirl, because if you're honest with your frustrations, this friend might not be so willing to let you into her life next time.
Any relationship is hard work. Being honest and keeping communication open is a major part. The other key aspect of a relationship is patience.
My greatest advice to you is to be patient with your friend. You may be in need of some advice from her later on in life.
Stay positive.
My friend is dating someone who I know is not treating her right. He yells at her all the time, and pretty much makes her miserable. I really care about her, but I'm getting tired of giving her the same advice when she doesn't take it. She totally doesn't listen to me.
- Friendlygirl
Dear Friendlygirl,
You should be very proud that friends consider you wise enough to seek advice from you. This girl obviously trusts you enough to let you in on her troubles, and you shouldn't lose sight of that.
When it comes to love, many people are blind.
However, you shouldn't feel like someone's therapist. Being a good friend comes with some obligations, but you can't be responsible for her every problem.
You sound like you're wearing out, and if you feel like you've done all you can to help her; say that. She should understand that you're not just someone she can vent on whenever she wants.
You're treading a thin line though, Friendlygirl, because if you're honest with your frustrations, this friend might not be so willing to let you into her life next time.
Any relationship is hard work. Being honest and keeping communication open is a major part. The other key aspect of a relationship is patience.
My greatest advice to you is to be patient with your friend. You may be in need of some advice from her later on in life.
Stay positive.
Dating Advice that Covers Online Dating to Accepting a Marriage Proposal
Ferndale, WA (PRWEB) March 12, 2008 -- In the ever changing world of finding the perfect mate, dating advice websites are in great demand, and no one has met the high demand for well rounded, all inclusive dating advice like The Professor's House. From dating the old fashioned way, speed dating, and even non-conventional dating, this one website has covered the bases of the world of mate matching more thoroughly than any other website easily accessible on the web. For dating advice that is more thorough and more reliable than your mother's kitchen table or the unmarried friends who have it all figured out, this is the one stop says it all site for all ages.
The intensive research and relative information offered covers age group from the young to the old, as well as every demographic possible. This website has made an obvious and concerted effort never to leave anyone behind. The quest for love is not a path laid out in one direction, and The Professor's House recognizes the importance of diversified information.
"A friend of mine told me to check out the site," John Rank, a user from Virginia stated. "And truth be told I was blown away by the amount of in depth discussion. I found myself doing more than just checking it out, but reading and searching and looking for all kinds of answers that I didn't even know I wanted."
And truth be told I was blown away by the amount of in depth discussion. I found myself doing more than just checking it out, but reading and searching and looking for all kinds of answers that I didn't even know I wanted.
Users from all over the U.S., Canada, and around the world are finding that they are pleasantly surprised by the amount of coverage each topic is given, and the amount of attention that goes into deciding the topics of interest.
A great deal of the dating advice offered on the site is researched via numerous sources that are absolute authorities on human behavior, the psychology of love, and even statistical research regarding what makes long term relationships lasts. There are articles devoted to ending a relationship just as there are those devoted to starting a new relationship and everything possible in between. Dating with kids, love in the internet age, and relationship expertise that is delivered with an all encompassing angle is not readily found on other websites. The Professor's House sits above the rest because they focus on the actual dating advice, rather than provide a few snippets of information here and there and rely on the advertising dollar to draw their audience. The website is dedicated to providing sound information that can be useful in the lives of nearly anyone who wishes to seek out answers.
Online dating lacks real connection
“Are you having trouble meeting attractive female Friends? Do you need help to say the right stuff?”
Poached directly from Facebook, banner ads like this have become more direct than ever. Do I want help in learning how to meet chicks? In this particular case, it would seem to depend on the importance placed on a bunch of pixels on a screen.
But in an interactive setting, what if the stuff said is the wrong stuff? How could anyone not want to learn how to maximize the impact of their stuff?
In meeting “attractive female friends”, third party assistance, especially mediated computer assistance, should only extend to R2D2.
Even if “everyone” obsesses over dating, this does not mean that an outside source is essential for getting involved.
As the average person is bombarded by 3600 advertising images daily (according to Sut Jhally, professor of Communications at the University of Massachusetts), the increase in direct approaches to commodifying human interactions can negatively affect face-to-face communication and limit perceptions of diversity.
Are attractive female friends found through specific Internet searches? The place or situation in which one might find this type of friend would seem arbitrary. Another question is why the object of interest is an “attractive female” and the subject a “how to meet them” in relation to an advertisement.
If attractive female friends are looking for someone to say the right stuff, does that imply that I should want to learn how? Would banner ads be as effective if they selected a less-obvious object of interest?
A concern with dating through computers is that a particular sense of human connection is exchanged for an image when translating human expression through a virtual environment.
A sense of disembodiment or detachment makes it difficult to develop a direct connection between people, particularly if they have no prior connection.
Digital communication is largely free from the awkward, intimidating or simply unpredictable character of face-to-face communication. But this sense of anonymous yet personal communication is less visceral than being in contact with a real person.
For example, it might appear like a serious conversation if chatting over MSN or Facebook to a friend about political unrest in Kenya. But if this friend was sitting at home, naked, save for a cowboy hat and tie, on their bathroom floor playing Freecell, it could change perceptions of the circumstance – how involved could she or he really be?
The context under which people communicate can be more obscured if mediated over a computer, ultimately altering perceptions.
While it can be easier to discuss personal ideas or experience through a program such as MSN, it can also be less connective than speaking directly to another person. It can also be easier and require less effort and work to find “attractive female friends” through the use of a computer.
Through removing difficulties perceived in meeting people, or simply making it easier to find people who can be “chosen” for communication, something vitally important is either absent or reduced.
The comfort and predictability of reading images and text is not the same as meeting a real person. As abbreviations in language can change the way that verbal and written communication is constituted (no writing exams in text-speak), the abbreviating of people through computer mediation can affect representations of real people and communicative potential.
Marketing on the Internet is one of the easiest and least expensive methods for seeking a wide audience (depending on several factors), particularly with popular topics like dating and sex.
The identity of self in cyberspace provides more freedom from the pressures of judgment than face-to-face interaction because it removes others from direct contact.
But it is not possible to develop relationships past a certain point without face-to-face interaction. People are not books, computer programs or images: effort is needed to develop relationships with other people.
Poached directly from Facebook, banner ads like this have become more direct than ever. Do I want help in learning how to meet chicks? In this particular case, it would seem to depend on the importance placed on a bunch of pixels on a screen.
But in an interactive setting, what if the stuff said is the wrong stuff? How could anyone not want to learn how to maximize the impact of their stuff?
In meeting “attractive female friends”, third party assistance, especially mediated computer assistance, should only extend to R2D2.
Even if “everyone” obsesses over dating, this does not mean that an outside source is essential for getting involved.
As the average person is bombarded by 3600 advertising images daily (according to Sut Jhally, professor of Communications at the University of Massachusetts), the increase in direct approaches to commodifying human interactions can negatively affect face-to-face communication and limit perceptions of diversity.
Are attractive female friends found through specific Internet searches? The place or situation in which one might find this type of friend would seem arbitrary. Another question is why the object of interest is an “attractive female” and the subject a “how to meet them” in relation to an advertisement.
If attractive female friends are looking for someone to say the right stuff, does that imply that I should want to learn how? Would banner ads be as effective if they selected a less-obvious object of interest?
A concern with dating through computers is that a particular sense of human connection is exchanged for an image when translating human expression through a virtual environment.
A sense of disembodiment or detachment makes it difficult to develop a direct connection between people, particularly if they have no prior connection.
Digital communication is largely free from the awkward, intimidating or simply unpredictable character of face-to-face communication. But this sense of anonymous yet personal communication is less visceral than being in contact with a real person.
For example, it might appear like a serious conversation if chatting over MSN or Facebook to a friend about political unrest in Kenya. But if this friend was sitting at home, naked, save for a cowboy hat and tie, on their bathroom floor playing Freecell, it could change perceptions of the circumstance – how involved could she or he really be?
The context under which people communicate can be more obscured if mediated over a computer, ultimately altering perceptions.
While it can be easier to discuss personal ideas or experience through a program such as MSN, it can also be less connective than speaking directly to another person. It can also be easier and require less effort and work to find “attractive female friends” through the use of a computer.
Through removing difficulties perceived in meeting people, or simply making it easier to find people who can be “chosen” for communication, something vitally important is either absent or reduced.
The comfort and predictability of reading images and text is not the same as meeting a real person. As abbreviations in language can change the way that verbal and written communication is constituted (no writing exams in text-speak), the abbreviating of people through computer mediation can affect representations of real people and communicative potential.
Marketing on the Internet is one of the easiest and least expensive methods for seeking a wide audience (depending on several factors), particularly with popular topics like dating and sex.
The identity of self in cyberspace provides more freedom from the pressures of judgment than face-to-face interaction because it removes others from direct contact.
But it is not possible to develop relationships past a certain point without face-to-face interaction. People are not books, computer programs or images: effort is needed to develop relationships with other people.
Open Dating Season Begins March 31: Singles Wrapping Up Spring Training
I've actually been kicking this idea around for some time now and have been testing it out with friends, but today's conversation with Andy Boyer during a course on social marketing really cemented it in my brain.
Dating is just like any other sport. It takes practice. It has winners and losers. Most importantly, and as the topic of this blog, it has a definite season.
For the most part, dating is a nearly year-long affair (not literally an affair, but sometimes I guess). See, I like to equate the beginning of dating season with the beginning of my favorite sporting season; baseball.
See the image above for the full 2008 Dating Season schedule.
Notice that right now we're in Spring Training. That means you should be getting back into single life form; going out more now that the weather is better, hitting the gym harder and if you're into it, updating the ol' Match.com profile.
On March 31, 2008, I will be at Safeco Field watching the Ms take the field for their first game of the 2008 season and, as the dating gods would have it, also venturing into the beer garden for the beginning of the dating season.
At the end of the dating season, as things start to wind down toward Thanksgiving, you're going to want to be tying up loose ends (dumping, getting dumped or making plans that will last you through the off-season). We all know that the holidays are a slow business time, and they're equally as slow, if not slower, for singles. No one wants to be in that weird limbo stage of dating during the holidays "Do I take her to meet the parents? Do I get her a present?" That uncertainty plays right on through the New Year and ends shortly after Valentine's Day, which leads us right back into Spring Training.
I've been spending my off season, really taking it easy (as I'm sure you can kind of tell). Every once in a while a guy just needs to take a break, take a breath and look ahead.
Looking ahead to this 2008 Dating Season, I'm going into it with a bit of confidence due to some lifestyle changes and coaching from my dear, dear friends who have moved on from the Dating Leagues and into the never-ending marathon that is marriage.
So, good luck to you all this season. Work hard out there. Keep your head down and don't forget to stretch.
Play ball!
Did you Digg this post? Perhaps you found it del.icio.us? Are you glad you reddit? Am I annoying you yet? Just tell the blogosphere about us.
Dating site specializes in cheating
There are hundreds of Internet dating sites catering to just about every kind of person looking for love — sites for single parents, sites for Jewish people and sites for members of the military.
Now, there are also dating services to help you find that special someone, even when you already have someone special.
AshleyMadison.com, which caters to men and women who are already in relationships and are looking for something more, is the largest dating service of its kind. The Toronto-based company has made millions of dollars by helping people cheat on their spouses. Their tag line gets right to the point: "Life is short, have an affair."
Their radio ads even recommend cheating on the company dime.
"When you have a private moment at work today, visit AshleyMadison.com. You'll be happy you came," the ads say.
Don, a 52-year-old IT specialist living in Southern California who, not surprisingly, preferred not to give his real last name, is one of the site's hundreds of users.
"The ad sounded pretty interesting, so I thought I'd give it a shot and see if I got any action," he says.
Don, or "Don Deshizzle" as he is known online, says he is looking for an "NSA" — no strings attached — relationship. So far, he says, he has paid about $100 to e-mail and instant message with other Ashley Madison members.
"What you do is you buy credits — I think 100 credits at a time for $55 — and then each e-mail you initiate costs five credits. You burn through them pretty quickly," he says.
Don says he likes the site because it gives him the opportunity to be upfront about his marital status.
"Because, I guess, all the cards are on the table. It's not like if you go to a singles or a standard site, then you kind of have the stigma of being a cheater and that doesn't seem right," he says.
He doesn't feel too ethically troubled by what he's doing, he says, though he hasn't met anyone in person yet.
As for the people profiting from the Ashley Madison Web site, they say they have no moral qualms.
"This is just a business to me. This is a market need, just like any other business that's successful. There's huge demand for it," says Chief Operating Officer Noel Biderman, who is married with children. Biderman says he is faithful to his wife, but he doesn't object to the fact that cheaters have helped his online business make more than $20 million since it started in 2002.
"This is just a fact of life. Monogamy is not in our DNA," he says.
In fact, Biderman goes so far as to claim that a little infidelity may do a person good — helping an insecure man or woman reclaim a sense of self-worth.
"Women come to a service like Ashley Madison because they haven't been sent roses or flowers in God knows how long. Valentine's Day gets forgotten. That re-validation comes in a female user in our site within 30 or 40 minutes — as a number of guys are knocking at her door and professing their desire to be with her," he says.
Framingham State College sociology professor Virginia Rutter, who specializes in marital relations and sexuality, says there is nothing wrong with having a vivid sexual imagination.
"It's great to have a relationship that can tolerate and actually support and enjoy the fact that partners will flirt, will be interested in other people," she says.
What is not great, Rutter says, is lying to your partner or spouse and secretly conducting outside relationships.
"That kind of injury, that kind of loss of trust is going to make ... your relationship a lot harder to conduct," she says.
She urges people to take the time and energy that it takes to troll a cheating Web site, and re-invest it in their existing relationships.
Now, there are also dating services to help you find that special someone, even when you already have someone special.
AshleyMadison.com, which caters to men and women who are already in relationships and are looking for something more, is the largest dating service of its kind. The Toronto-based company has made millions of dollars by helping people cheat on their spouses. Their tag line gets right to the point: "Life is short, have an affair."
Their radio ads even recommend cheating on the company dime.
"When you have a private moment at work today, visit AshleyMadison.com. You'll be happy you came," the ads say.
Don, a 52-year-old IT specialist living in Southern California who, not surprisingly, preferred not to give his real last name, is one of the site's hundreds of users.
"The ad sounded pretty interesting, so I thought I'd give it a shot and see if I got any action," he says.
Don, or "Don Deshizzle" as he is known online, says he is looking for an "NSA" — no strings attached — relationship. So far, he says, he has paid about $100 to e-mail and instant message with other Ashley Madison members.
"What you do is you buy credits — I think 100 credits at a time for $55 — and then each e-mail you initiate costs five credits. You burn through them pretty quickly," he says.
Don says he likes the site because it gives him the opportunity to be upfront about his marital status.
"Because, I guess, all the cards are on the table. It's not like if you go to a singles or a standard site, then you kind of have the stigma of being a cheater and that doesn't seem right," he says.
He doesn't feel too ethically troubled by what he's doing, he says, though he hasn't met anyone in person yet.
As for the people profiting from the Ashley Madison Web site, they say they have no moral qualms.
"This is just a business to me. This is a market need, just like any other business that's successful. There's huge demand for it," says Chief Operating Officer Noel Biderman, who is married with children. Biderman says he is faithful to his wife, but he doesn't object to the fact that cheaters have helped his online business make more than $20 million since it started in 2002.
"This is just a fact of life. Monogamy is not in our DNA," he says.
In fact, Biderman goes so far as to claim that a little infidelity may do a person good — helping an insecure man or woman reclaim a sense of self-worth.
"Women come to a service like Ashley Madison because they haven't been sent roses or flowers in God knows how long. Valentine's Day gets forgotten. That re-validation comes in a female user in our site within 30 or 40 minutes — as a number of guys are knocking at her door and professing their desire to be with her," he says.
Framingham State College sociology professor Virginia Rutter, who specializes in marital relations and sexuality, says there is nothing wrong with having a vivid sexual imagination.
"It's great to have a relationship that can tolerate and actually support and enjoy the fact that partners will flirt, will be interested in other people," she says.
What is not great, Rutter says, is lying to your partner or spouse and secretly conducting outside relationships.
"That kind of injury, that kind of loss of trust is going to make ... your relationship a lot harder to conduct," she says.
She urges people to take the time and energy that it takes to troll a cheating Web site, and re-invest it in their existing relationships.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Glamour Cans Dude Dating Blogger For Playing Grab Ass
Glamour’s readers revolted, and dating blogger Mike Cherico has been axed. We won’t pretend to have read most (any?) of his dating tales (where he claims to date a different girl each night of the week), but suffice the say, Glamour.com’s readers have, and they’re disgusted. “Honestly, Mike is exactly what scared me about my daughters dating one day,” wrote one commenter.
So goes the scenario: He was dating a one “Miss Smarty Shoes,” who he was enthralled with, even letting her take over the blog for a day. She invited him to a concert, but he saw a cut on her lip, which he immediately concluded was herpes, thus giving him free reign to hold hands with another woman while on the date. So … women frown on that?
Not helping things: “Miss Smarty Shoes” has been posting vociferously on the site. One of her rambling lists of anecdotes follows.
So the rest of this piece is about trust and Mike Cherico.
Mike is a recreational liar. It’s possible he is in fact a compulsive or pathalogical liar but I honestly don’t know him well enough and I’m not going to diagnose him. He lies so naturally that he loses track of the truth. For him, if a lie is easier to say then it becomes reality (ie; when he told me he’d had sex that day rather than bringing up what was actually bothering him.)
Below are some more anecdotes about my experiences with Mike, trust and truth:
Let’s start with the “amazing woman” Mike was apparantly holding hands with at the concert that I took him too (and paid for.) If it gives you some idea of his taste in women, she was a skanky, fake-boobed bimbo wearing a slutty outfit and Uggs from 2004 who looked like she’d just come off of ROCK OF LOVE 2. If someone in this story has herpes, it was that girl. She was giving me nasty looks the whole show and I asked Mike if he’d noticed- of course not. Bear in mind that while Mike was, I now realize, holding hands with this tramp, he was also stroking my hair, kissing the top of my head, etc. I am literally at a loss for how to articulate what a disgusting person he is. Mike, I am a beautiful woman, and how dare you try to make me feel like anything less.
Mike called our date at the Rustic short last week because he “had to go make a drug deal.”
The brilliant thing about Mike’s worrying about my having a disease is that the first night we met we had unprotected sex. It’s literally the only time I have not used a condom with someone who wasn’t a boyfriend (I am on birth control) and I am furious with myself for letting it happen. Suffice it to say that, given our respective lifestyles, if we took a poll of who was more likely to have an STD, me or Mike, I’d feel pretty confident about my odds. Concert Girl might screw up the race Nader-style, tho!
The first night I went out with Mike a woman called repeatedly and he asked me to answer the phone, which I did, saying “Mike’s office.” I thought it was some past fling booty-calling him. Turns out it was his ex-girlfriend of a year who he had been talking to earlier and who was calling him distraught about their conversation. Had I known this was a person who he had had an actual relationship with I would NEVER have gotten involved. So that’s how Mike treats people he ostensibly used to love. He also put me on mute once so I could listen to her talking to him about how much she missed him. She thought they were having a private conversation, but Mike was in fact egging her on for my benefit to show me how “crazy” she was. If she’s reading this, please please do not think Mike will ever treat you the way you deserve to be treated because he is just not a good man. He once told me you’re not good at your job and just get by on your looks. You deserve so much better and he doesn’t have it in him.
Most of the times I have made plans with Mike he doesn’t follow through, doesn’t call to explain, and then lies about it later. I didn’t invite him to my birthday party for exactly that reason, but he found out about it and made a huge deal of the fact that he wasn’t invited, so I invited him, then of course he didn’t show up. The next morning he texted me to ask if i wanted to get lunch. I presumed he was trying to make up for the previous night and agreed. Two hours later I hadn’t heard from him and called his cell. Turns out he was out to breakfast with another woman but told me to “meet him at the Rustic in a couple hours.” Romantic. (I imagine most readers are wondering why I continued to make plans with him despite this shit and I promise I’m going to address that at the end of this piece so please bear with me.) While in the shower, I missed his call. An hour and multiple calls later he told me he’d come by but since I didn’t pick up my phone he had fallen asleep, in his car. So I texted him to go fuck himself, that he was the stupidest man I’d ever dated, and that I was going to the rustic by myself. He immediately called me and said he was on his way to meet me at the Inn.
It gets creepier. As he was on his way to meet me, he called me and said he’d been wanting to talk to me for awhile about how I really feel about him because he likes me a lot. I was very guarded in my response and told him we could discuss it in person. He said he really wanted to talk now and that he couldn’t believe I really liked him for x, y and z reasons. When it became clear I was not going to give a substantive response he started laughing maniacally and said “I’m just kidding.”
It still gets creepier. When I later told him that was an extremely disrespectful thing to do and asked why, he told me that the woman from breakfast was still in the car with him, that she’d asked him why so many girls like him and he’d put me on speakerphone before calling so she could listen to my response. So basically he tried to lure me into an emotional confession only for the amusement of another girl. Keep in mind this was after he’d said he had fallen asleep and missed my calls, which was clearly a lie since he was still with this other woman.
Those select tales say nothing of the thousands of little lies Mike tells as part of regular conversation. It’s virtually impossible to know what to believe. He also clearly uses lying/”kidding” as a way to back out of things he wishes he hadn’t disclosed. He will say something and if you don’t react the way he wanted he’ll start laughing and exclaim “I was just kidding!” like a child.
He also got really jealous of my other dates and clearly couldn’t handle being on the other side of that treatment. Pretty hilarious.
One more X-rated Mike story just because I’ve been dying to share it (I don’t recommend reading this paragaph if you’re sensitive.) He is, like he’s said in the blog, truly terrible in bed. He basically just lies there and lets the girl do all the work. I thought it was just a first time thing but the morning after we slept together, we had sex again, and I went down on him and let him finish in in my mouth. I was literally sitting there with the taste of him still in my throat when he stood up to take a shower. He had now had two orgasms to my zero, so I asked if he might orally reciprocate. He, with no hesitation or hint of sarcasm, proclaimed “I don’t know you that well!” and turned on the faucet. Frankly, it’s a pretty obvious metaphor for his selfishness and laziness in relationships and how his pleasure is his only concern. But anyone who can say anything that rude without flinching is clearly playing his own game.
And now a little on me.
Lest you think me a vindictive harlot, I told Mike I was going to write this and he said he didn’t care…. an obvious lie but one he insisted upon. I’m not trying to get back at him for his piece today, because his life is no longer my concern and I hope I’m lucky enough never to see him again, but even when I asked him if he wanted me to take it easy on him he said it didn’t matter, he didn’t care, nothing matters, do whatever I want. Even in something which I do believe he values, his blog, he still couldn’t stop with the deceitful, “it’s your problem not mine you stupid bitch” act and ask me, human to human, to keep these things private. So I thought it was time he came to terms with the fact that the things you say become the reality you live.
That said, I completely understand that all of you reading this must not think very much of me for dating someone like this, so here is my attempt to explain why I continued to see Mike.
For starters, I regret it more than I can say. As I reread what I wrote above I am viciously angry with myself for letting someone of such low moral fiber ever treat me this way. He is hands down the most bizarre, mean, selfish and delusional person I’ve ever met. (Not to mention that he’s not very smart, and even though my post today is hardly Hemingway I think you’ll agree with me that I can write circles around this guy. Frankly, he’s just not a very good writer.) His behavior is so far off the charts of what is acceptable in normal relationships it needs transalation, like “Well in Mike’s world this is what that meant.” But that’s why people like me are drawn to him, I am embarrassed to say. We think that if we can just understand him, we can help him. We believe with true love and support he will change, and if we can be the woman to do it, that will validate us somehow. It’s no accident in my mind that he was in a serious relationship with a shrink.
Mike lies so often that it doesn’t occur to him that other people are honest. He claims not to trust me and doesn’t know if he can believe my preposterous lip-biting story because clearly I am trying to dupe him into herpes. The paranoid paradigm in which he lives is a very lonely place.
Last night I trusted Mike to drive me home. Despite my protests, he took out a bottle of liquor and chugged it while driving. On the freeway. I found out later that he was a lot drunker than I realized when we left the concert. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for being in such a dangerous situation with someone with such little respect for others.
It really pains me to have typed all this out because listed in this format I really can’t justify to myself why I kept seeing him. There were definitely substantial moments where he dropped the act and what’s underneath was very appealing, but it’s so obvious in reading this that he’s a terrible person and no other qualities, no matter how positive, could make up for the above. By comparison, I think I try really hard to see the good in people. Because I saw something special in Mike beneath the crap I thought I could bring it out. Because I have flaws and suffer from destructive impulses I thought he deserved forgiveness and understanding. I don’t feel that way any more. I have too much respect for people to ever treat them the way Mike does, whether they’re a boyfriend, co-worker, family member or stranger on the street.
And I will state for the record that I don’t think any of this has to do with his blog. These patterns are too ingrained to be recent occurrences. He uses the writing as an excuse to be cruel and the serial dating as an excuse not to change. Like I’ve said before, I think the lying and destructive behavior are an elaborate defense system Mike has erected to keep himself from getting attached to anyone where he might risk getting hurt. He is inconsistent in his versions of the truth and then aggressive in blaming the other person for requesting clarification. He’s so enmeshed in his own crap I don’t think he could be self-aware if he tried. He changes the subject constantly to avoid being caught in his fake stories. It’s so impossible for him to take responsibility for anything he has done wrong that he lies even to himself. Frankly, I think the reflection in the mirror is just too painful.
So goes the scenario: He was dating a one “Miss Smarty Shoes,” who he was enthralled with, even letting her take over the blog for a day. She invited him to a concert, but he saw a cut on her lip, which he immediately concluded was herpes, thus giving him free reign to hold hands with another woman while on the date. So … women frown on that?
Not helping things: “Miss Smarty Shoes” has been posting vociferously on the site. One of her rambling lists of anecdotes follows.
So the rest of this piece is about trust and Mike Cherico.
Mike is a recreational liar. It’s possible he is in fact a compulsive or pathalogical liar but I honestly don’t know him well enough and I’m not going to diagnose him. He lies so naturally that he loses track of the truth. For him, if a lie is easier to say then it becomes reality (ie; when he told me he’d had sex that day rather than bringing up what was actually bothering him.)
Below are some more anecdotes about my experiences with Mike, trust and truth:
Let’s start with the “amazing woman” Mike was apparantly holding hands with at the concert that I took him too (and paid for.) If it gives you some idea of his taste in women, she was a skanky, fake-boobed bimbo wearing a slutty outfit and Uggs from 2004 who looked like she’d just come off of ROCK OF LOVE 2. If someone in this story has herpes, it was that girl. She was giving me nasty looks the whole show and I asked Mike if he’d noticed- of course not. Bear in mind that while Mike was, I now realize, holding hands with this tramp, he was also stroking my hair, kissing the top of my head, etc. I am literally at a loss for how to articulate what a disgusting person he is. Mike, I am a beautiful woman, and how dare you try to make me feel like anything less.
Mike called our date at the Rustic short last week because he “had to go make a drug deal.”
The brilliant thing about Mike’s worrying about my having a disease is that the first night we met we had unprotected sex. It’s literally the only time I have not used a condom with someone who wasn’t a boyfriend (I am on birth control) and I am furious with myself for letting it happen. Suffice it to say that, given our respective lifestyles, if we took a poll of who was more likely to have an STD, me or Mike, I’d feel pretty confident about my odds. Concert Girl might screw up the race Nader-style, tho!
The first night I went out with Mike a woman called repeatedly and he asked me to answer the phone, which I did, saying “Mike’s office.” I thought it was some past fling booty-calling him. Turns out it was his ex-girlfriend of a year who he had been talking to earlier and who was calling him distraught about their conversation. Had I known this was a person who he had had an actual relationship with I would NEVER have gotten involved. So that’s how Mike treats people he ostensibly used to love. He also put me on mute once so I could listen to her talking to him about how much she missed him. She thought they were having a private conversation, but Mike was in fact egging her on for my benefit to show me how “crazy” she was. If she’s reading this, please please do not think Mike will ever treat you the way you deserve to be treated because he is just not a good man. He once told me you’re not good at your job and just get by on your looks. You deserve so much better and he doesn’t have it in him.
Most of the times I have made plans with Mike he doesn’t follow through, doesn’t call to explain, and then lies about it later. I didn’t invite him to my birthday party for exactly that reason, but he found out about it and made a huge deal of the fact that he wasn’t invited, so I invited him, then of course he didn’t show up. The next morning he texted me to ask if i wanted to get lunch. I presumed he was trying to make up for the previous night and agreed. Two hours later I hadn’t heard from him and called his cell. Turns out he was out to breakfast with another woman but told me to “meet him at the Rustic in a couple hours.” Romantic. (I imagine most readers are wondering why I continued to make plans with him despite this shit and I promise I’m going to address that at the end of this piece so please bear with me.) While in the shower, I missed his call. An hour and multiple calls later he told me he’d come by but since I didn’t pick up my phone he had fallen asleep, in his car. So I texted him to go fuck himself, that he was the stupidest man I’d ever dated, and that I was going to the rustic by myself. He immediately called me and said he was on his way to meet me at the Inn.
It gets creepier. As he was on his way to meet me, he called me and said he’d been wanting to talk to me for awhile about how I really feel about him because he likes me a lot. I was very guarded in my response and told him we could discuss it in person. He said he really wanted to talk now and that he couldn’t believe I really liked him for x, y and z reasons. When it became clear I was not going to give a substantive response he started laughing maniacally and said “I’m just kidding.”
It still gets creepier. When I later told him that was an extremely disrespectful thing to do and asked why, he told me that the woman from breakfast was still in the car with him, that she’d asked him why so many girls like him and he’d put me on speakerphone before calling so she could listen to my response. So basically he tried to lure me into an emotional confession only for the amusement of another girl. Keep in mind this was after he’d said he had fallen asleep and missed my calls, which was clearly a lie since he was still with this other woman.
Those select tales say nothing of the thousands of little lies Mike tells as part of regular conversation. It’s virtually impossible to know what to believe. He also clearly uses lying/”kidding” as a way to back out of things he wishes he hadn’t disclosed. He will say something and if you don’t react the way he wanted he’ll start laughing and exclaim “I was just kidding!” like a child.
He also got really jealous of my other dates and clearly couldn’t handle being on the other side of that treatment. Pretty hilarious.
One more X-rated Mike story just because I’ve been dying to share it (I don’t recommend reading this paragaph if you’re sensitive.) He is, like he’s said in the blog, truly terrible in bed. He basically just lies there and lets the girl do all the work. I thought it was just a first time thing but the morning after we slept together, we had sex again, and I went down on him and let him finish in in my mouth. I was literally sitting there with the taste of him still in my throat when he stood up to take a shower. He had now had two orgasms to my zero, so I asked if he might orally reciprocate. He, with no hesitation or hint of sarcasm, proclaimed “I don’t know you that well!” and turned on the faucet. Frankly, it’s a pretty obvious metaphor for his selfishness and laziness in relationships and how his pleasure is his only concern. But anyone who can say anything that rude without flinching is clearly playing his own game.
And now a little on me.
Lest you think me a vindictive harlot, I told Mike I was going to write this and he said he didn’t care…. an obvious lie but one he insisted upon. I’m not trying to get back at him for his piece today, because his life is no longer my concern and I hope I’m lucky enough never to see him again, but even when I asked him if he wanted me to take it easy on him he said it didn’t matter, he didn’t care, nothing matters, do whatever I want. Even in something which I do believe he values, his blog, he still couldn’t stop with the deceitful, “it’s your problem not mine you stupid bitch” act and ask me, human to human, to keep these things private. So I thought it was time he came to terms with the fact that the things you say become the reality you live.
That said, I completely understand that all of you reading this must not think very much of me for dating someone like this, so here is my attempt to explain why I continued to see Mike.
For starters, I regret it more than I can say. As I reread what I wrote above I am viciously angry with myself for letting someone of such low moral fiber ever treat me this way. He is hands down the most bizarre, mean, selfish and delusional person I’ve ever met. (Not to mention that he’s not very smart, and even though my post today is hardly Hemingway I think you’ll agree with me that I can write circles around this guy. Frankly, he’s just not a very good writer.) His behavior is so far off the charts of what is acceptable in normal relationships it needs transalation, like “Well in Mike’s world this is what that meant.” But that’s why people like me are drawn to him, I am embarrassed to say. We think that if we can just understand him, we can help him. We believe with true love and support he will change, and if we can be the woman to do it, that will validate us somehow. It’s no accident in my mind that he was in a serious relationship with a shrink.
Mike lies so often that it doesn’t occur to him that other people are honest. He claims not to trust me and doesn’t know if he can believe my preposterous lip-biting story because clearly I am trying to dupe him into herpes. The paranoid paradigm in which he lives is a very lonely place.
Last night I trusted Mike to drive me home. Despite my protests, he took out a bottle of liquor and chugged it while driving. On the freeway. I found out later that he was a lot drunker than I realized when we left the concert. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for being in such a dangerous situation with someone with such little respect for others.
It really pains me to have typed all this out because listed in this format I really can’t justify to myself why I kept seeing him. There were definitely substantial moments where he dropped the act and what’s underneath was very appealing, but it’s so obvious in reading this that he’s a terrible person and no other qualities, no matter how positive, could make up for the above. By comparison, I think I try really hard to see the good in people. Because I saw something special in Mike beneath the crap I thought I could bring it out. Because I have flaws and suffer from destructive impulses I thought he deserved forgiveness and understanding. I don’t feel that way any more. I have too much respect for people to ever treat them the way Mike does, whether they’re a boyfriend, co-worker, family member or stranger on the street.
And I will state for the record that I don’t think any of this has to do with his blog. These patterns are too ingrained to be recent occurrences. He uses the writing as an excuse to be cruel and the serial dating as an excuse not to change. Like I’ve said before, I think the lying and destructive behavior are an elaborate defense system Mike has erected to keep himself from getting attached to anyone where he might risk getting hurt. He is inconsistent in his versions of the truth and then aggressive in blaming the other person for requesting clarification. He’s so enmeshed in his own crap I don’t think he could be self-aware if he tried. He changes the subject constantly to avoid being caught in his fake stories. It’s so impossible for him to take responsibility for anything he has done wrong that he lies even to himself. Frankly, I think the reflection in the mirror is just too painful.
Online Dating Has More Singles Clicking
"We met online."
Those words, once taboo, have now become mainstream. As more and more individuals give online dating a chance, the stigma that once surrounded the topic has dissipated.
"I think in the past, the original stigma came from a few elements," said Sam Yagan, cofounder of OKCupid.com, a free online dating service.
"Back in the 1990s, the early adapters were nerdy, geeky, techy people," he said. "The other issue is the introduction of money into dating. That is what makes some people feel like it is desperation."
But the face of online dating has changed, Yagan said.
"Now, if you're under 30, you use the Internet for a bunch of reasons," he said. "Online dating isn't a big deal," once you're used to using the Internet for shopping, news, information and more.
Why People Try Online
"It's not an either/or situation. Really, many peoples' dating strategy encompasses online and offline dating," said Yagan. "It's just another element that you can go through at your leisure."
Online dating is different than trying to meet someone at the bar, bookstore or library.
Plus, you're exposing yourself to a larger pool of potential dates.
"When you cut out all those people you wouldn't date, online dating gives you access to thousands of people you wouldn't have met otherwise," he said.
"Online dating works for everyone," said Evan Mark Katz, author of "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book."
"Whatever you want, it's out there," he said. "If you're looking for a relationship or something short-term, it's out there."
Preventing Bad Dates
Searching for love online might also be more appealing for singles who have survived dating disasters.
"Time and time again I hear from people who go on dates that are dead on arrival," said Yagan. "That's the kind of thing a good dating site can help you avoid, all that time and money wasted on poor first dates could have been saved."
There's an element of matching found on online sites that can't be matched in real-world interaction.
"Just because you share the same favorite bands is a great reason to interact," said Katz. "That doesn't mean that you'll be together until you're 80."
Assessing Your Options
There are any number of dating sites available online. eHarmony and Match.com are well-known sites that help people find potential dates for a fee. JDate offers matchmaking services to Jewish individuals. People seeking potential dates must pay for these services, but the providers also boast marriages and relationships formed because of their sites.
Another site, Date My Pet, is a free service that helps people find love with the help of their furry friends. OK Cupid helps people find potential dates without paying, after answering questions that range from, "Do you like to do drugs," or "Have you had many partners?" to "Do you want to get married?" and everything in between. The difference between these sites really depends on what an individual is looking for and if they are willing to pay for the service.
"You can see people who are taking the same quiz as you and hit it off because of common interests," said Yagan. "You can't really replicate that in real life."
Finding Your Partner
Because of the number of participants on dating sites, it's worth your time to be specific with your questionnaire. That way you don't have to deal with having to choose among too many fish in the sea.
"Decide for yourself what is important to you," said Yagan. "If you smoke, you want someone who is accepting of you."
If you don't smoke, you don't want to spend weeks or months dating someone who does, just to find out that they'll never quit the habit that you can't stand.
"The best part is that it's all in the users' hands," said Yagan. "Tell us who you're looking for; do you want to settle down, have kids -- you'll be matched with someone who matches your preferences."
Questionnaires vary among dating sites. Some take minimal information and let you search for your mate. Others give you a list of individuals from the site that you can date, while keeping the rest of the potential dates from being able to learn about you or contact you. Some sites give you the tools to determine your perfect partner and find them.
Taking The Step Online
"People turn to online dating because they want to find more people," said Yagan. "They are ready to find someone."
Online dating "empowers users to find the kind of person they want to find," he said.
"It is essential that you are honest, patient and original," said Katz. "If you don't know what makes you different, no one else will, either."
Those words, once taboo, have now become mainstream. As more and more individuals give online dating a chance, the stigma that once surrounded the topic has dissipated.
"I think in the past, the original stigma came from a few elements," said Sam Yagan, cofounder of OKCupid.com, a free online dating service.
"Back in the 1990s, the early adapters were nerdy, geeky, techy people," he said. "The other issue is the introduction of money into dating. That is what makes some people feel like it is desperation."
But the face of online dating has changed, Yagan said.
"Now, if you're under 30, you use the Internet for a bunch of reasons," he said. "Online dating isn't a big deal," once you're used to using the Internet for shopping, news, information and more.
Why People Try Online
"It's not an either/or situation. Really, many peoples' dating strategy encompasses online and offline dating," said Yagan. "It's just another element that you can go through at your leisure."
Online dating is different than trying to meet someone at the bar, bookstore or library.
Plus, you're exposing yourself to a larger pool of potential dates.
"When you cut out all those people you wouldn't date, online dating gives you access to thousands of people you wouldn't have met otherwise," he said.
"Online dating works for everyone," said Evan Mark Katz, author of "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book."
"Whatever you want, it's out there," he said. "If you're looking for a relationship or something short-term, it's out there."
Preventing Bad Dates
Searching for love online might also be more appealing for singles who have survived dating disasters.
"Time and time again I hear from people who go on dates that are dead on arrival," said Yagan. "That's the kind of thing a good dating site can help you avoid, all that time and money wasted on poor first dates could have been saved."
There's an element of matching found on online sites that can't be matched in real-world interaction.
"Just because you share the same favorite bands is a great reason to interact," said Katz. "That doesn't mean that you'll be together until you're 80."
Assessing Your Options
There are any number of dating sites available online. eHarmony and Match.com are well-known sites that help people find potential dates for a fee. JDate offers matchmaking services to Jewish individuals. People seeking potential dates must pay for these services, but the providers also boast marriages and relationships formed because of their sites.
Another site, Date My Pet, is a free service that helps people find love with the help of their furry friends. OK Cupid helps people find potential dates without paying, after answering questions that range from, "Do you like to do drugs," or "Have you had many partners?" to "Do you want to get married?" and everything in between. The difference between these sites really depends on what an individual is looking for and if they are willing to pay for the service.
"You can see people who are taking the same quiz as you and hit it off because of common interests," said Yagan. "You can't really replicate that in real life."
Finding Your Partner
Because of the number of participants on dating sites, it's worth your time to be specific with your questionnaire. That way you don't have to deal with having to choose among too many fish in the sea.
"Decide for yourself what is important to you," said Yagan. "If you smoke, you want someone who is accepting of you."
If you don't smoke, you don't want to spend weeks or months dating someone who does, just to find out that they'll never quit the habit that you can't stand.
"The best part is that it's all in the users' hands," said Yagan. "Tell us who you're looking for; do you want to settle down, have kids -- you'll be matched with someone who matches your preferences."
Questionnaires vary among dating sites. Some take minimal information and let you search for your mate. Others give you a list of individuals from the site that you can date, while keeping the rest of the potential dates from being able to learn about you or contact you. Some sites give you the tools to determine your perfect partner and find them.
Taking The Step Online
"People turn to online dating because they want to find more people," said Yagan. "They are ready to find someone."
Online dating "empowers users to find the kind of person they want to find," he said.
"It is essential that you are honest, patient and original," said Katz. "If you don't know what makes you different, no one else will, either."
Accused rapist met women on dating site
A Waikato man has been charged with raping two woman he met on an online dating website.
Gregory Noel Burnside, 40, who used the internet name "Houndman", faced 10 sex-related charges when he appeared in Huntly District Court yesterday.
The attacks allegedly took place in November last year.
Burnside, who initially had name suppression, did not enter a plea and was remanded on bail for a pre-depositions hearing on April 29.
Gregory Noel Burnside, 40, who used the internet name "Houndman", faced 10 sex-related charges when he appeared in Huntly District Court yesterday.
The attacks allegedly took place in November last year.
Burnside, who initially had name suppression, did not enter a plea and was remanded on bail for a pre-depositions hearing on April 29.
It's complicated: Who pays on dates
Almost two-thirds of men want women to pitch in eventually, survey finds
Most first dates come straight out of the pages of a 1920s romance novel, and after a man generously treats a woman, he still expects something in return.
Namely, he expects her to return the favor of paying. (What were you thinking?)
An Elle/msnbc.com survey of about 74,000 online readers found that most guys want gals to help with the check after a few free meals. But that’s tricky because gals are torn over tab sharing: Some are reluctant to pay while others are adamant about their ability to pay.
Most first dates come straight out of the pages of a 1920s romance novel, and after a man generously treats a woman, he still expects something in return.
Namely, he expects her to return the favor of paying. (What were you thinking?)
An Elle/msnbc.com survey of about 74,000 online readers found that most guys want gals to help with the check after a few free meals. But that’s tricky because gals are torn over tab sharing: Some are reluctant to pay while others are adamant about their ability to pay.
All About Genital Herpes: Re-Entering the Dating Scene
Now that you know you have genital herpes, you're out of the dating game, right? Absolutely not. There's no reason to stop looking for love and fun.
From A STD dating site STDromance.com:
Re-Entering the Dating Scene
Now that you know you have genital herpes, you're out of the dating game, right? Absolutely not. There's no reason to stop looking for love and fun.
Genital herpes doesn't detract from your many desirable qualities, which have drawn people to you in the past and will continue to make you a great catch.
Broaching the Topic of Genital Herpes
The first date after your diagnosis may seem a little strange, however. If you hope to be sexually intimate with your date at some point, you may feel like you're keeping a nasty secret. If you are one to be candid with people, you'll want to blurt it out. Don't. There are some things you should reveal about yourself right away -- for example, that you're married, or that you're just in town for the week -- but some things are better left for the appropriate moment.
It's up to you to decide the right time to tell your date that you have genital herpes. Follow two rules: First, don't wait until after having sex. Second, don't wait until you're just about to have sex -- in which case the attraction may be too strong for either of you to think rationally and act responsibly.
If in the past you tended to start a new relationship with sex, you now might want to change your approach. It might be better to break the news about your herpes to someone who has already grown attached to you. Kissing, cuddling, and fondling are safe, so you don't have to tell before you do that. But use your best judgment as to how physically intimate you want to get before telling. One thing could lead to another, and you might find yourself in an awkward situation.
Dealing With Rejection
Anyone who dates should be prepared for rejection. The person you're seeing may beat a hasty retreat when he or she finds out about your genital herpes. If you get the "I just want to be friends" talk after telling your sweetheart you have herpes, consider this: He or she may have already been looking for a way out, and herpes was as good an excuse as any. What's more, anyone who disdains you or humiliates you for having herpes was never worth your while.
Keep dating, and you will find someone who wants to be with you regardless of your herpes status. There are certainly some who wouldn't mind keeping the intimacy level just short of doing things that could transmit the virus. And of those people, it's likely that at least one will come around, and say, "Hey, I understand there's a risk, but I'm crazy about you, so I'm willing to take it."
Depending on your dating style, you might look for another person who knows he or she has herpes, if only to avoid having to discuss it. If you already use dating services or personal ads, you can also use any of those specifically for people with genital herpes. A search on the Internet for "herpes dating" will turn up several.
You can get more from STDromance.com
From A STD dating site STDromance.com:
Re-Entering the Dating Scene
Now that you know you have genital herpes, you're out of the dating game, right? Absolutely not. There's no reason to stop looking for love and fun.
Genital herpes doesn't detract from your many desirable qualities, which have drawn people to you in the past and will continue to make you a great catch.
Broaching the Topic of Genital Herpes
The first date after your diagnosis may seem a little strange, however. If you hope to be sexually intimate with your date at some point, you may feel like you're keeping a nasty secret. If you are one to be candid with people, you'll want to blurt it out. Don't. There are some things you should reveal about yourself right away -- for example, that you're married, or that you're just in town for the week -- but some things are better left for the appropriate moment.
It's up to you to decide the right time to tell your date that you have genital herpes. Follow two rules: First, don't wait until after having sex. Second, don't wait until you're just about to have sex -- in which case the attraction may be too strong for either of you to think rationally and act responsibly.
If in the past you tended to start a new relationship with sex, you now might want to change your approach. It might be better to break the news about your herpes to someone who has already grown attached to you. Kissing, cuddling, and fondling are safe, so you don't have to tell before you do that. But use your best judgment as to how physically intimate you want to get before telling. One thing could lead to another, and you might find yourself in an awkward situation.
Dealing With Rejection
Anyone who dates should be prepared for rejection. The person you're seeing may beat a hasty retreat when he or she finds out about your genital herpes. If you get the "I just want to be friends" talk after telling your sweetheart you have herpes, consider this: He or she may have already been looking for a way out, and herpes was as good an excuse as any. What's more, anyone who disdains you or humiliates you for having herpes was never worth your while.
Keep dating, and you will find someone who wants to be with you regardless of your herpes status. There are certainly some who wouldn't mind keeping the intimacy level just short of doing things that could transmit the virus. And of those people, it's likely that at least one will come around, and say, "Hey, I understand there's a risk, but I'm crazy about you, so I'm willing to take it."
Depending on your dating style, you might look for another person who knows he or she has herpes, if only to avoid having to discuss it. If you already use dating services or personal ads, you can also use any of those specifically for people with genital herpes. A search on the Internet for "herpes dating" will turn up several.
You can get more from STDromance.com
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Before measuring his ring finger, ask yourself: Do I really like him?
Dear Carolyn: I'm a 44-year-old, divorced woman and I want to get remarried. I've had a few fun dates with a 48-year-old, never-married man. We've not yet talked about previous relationships or goals in our relationship. We've all been warned to be leery of never-married men; it's likely they never will get married -- right?
What are your thoughts on the matter? As I move forward in the relationship, what are some questions I might ask of him to learn whether he is truly open to commitment or if I'm just wasting my time?
Dear Reader: The never-marrieds are a bad risk because they will never commit, yes, I've heard that.
Remember, too, that divorced people will commit -- but then they'll bolt. And of course widows and widowers will always remain devoted, on some level, to the departed, whom you can never hope to replace.
I hardly need mention the ones who are dating you while they're still married, but I will, anyway: You can never trust them not to cheat on you the way they did on your predecessor.
I'm not sure if the spouses of alien abductees are considered married or a category all their own, but, either way, they'll just be up all night checking the foil on the roof.
And don't get me started on the marriage-or-bust crew.
By my count, that just about rules out dating another human being.
If you're at peace with the idea that a certain level of risk is inevitable, though, then there are arguments to be made for and against just about anyone in any of these categories. That's why the most important questions you can ask this man are the ones that help you get to know the one you're dating, as a person (as opposed to a spouse-by-numbers). Find out who he is, what he stands for and whether you'd ever commit to him.
Dear Carolyn: This is a twist on a common problem:
My new boyfriend makes more money than I do. We take turns paying when we go out. Unfortunately, he has expensive tastes. I tend to order frugally; he orders, basically, the priciest things on the menu.
We've discussed our income disparity before, and resolved to eat out less. But when we do go out, again, it's always something that costs twice as much as what I ordered! I feel like a cheapskate for being annoyed, but I have serious money problems as it is and I'm very stressed out about them.
So how do I say, "Baby, get a burger, not the filet mignon, because I'm going to get evicted otherwise"?
Dear Reader: Common problem, but there is no twist: You need to learn to say no.
It's not a matter of the words; your "Baby ... " line is just fine, and you could also suggest splitting things equitably. Though I would argue that you need to speak up even sooner than that, and offer dately reciprocation by cooking and not dining out.
The real issue is your ability to say the words. This is your money he's spending, to the detriment of your financial and emotional health, and, since you won't stand up for yourself, he's doing it with your permission. Find your spine, and use it.
What are your thoughts on the matter? As I move forward in the relationship, what are some questions I might ask of him to learn whether he is truly open to commitment or if I'm just wasting my time?
Dear Reader: The never-marrieds are a bad risk because they will never commit, yes, I've heard that.
Remember, too, that divorced people will commit -- but then they'll bolt. And of course widows and widowers will always remain devoted, on some level, to the departed, whom you can never hope to replace.
I hardly need mention the ones who are dating you while they're still married, but I will, anyway: You can never trust them not to cheat on you the way they did on your predecessor.
I'm not sure if the spouses of alien abductees are considered married or a category all their own, but, either way, they'll just be up all night checking the foil on the roof.
And don't get me started on the marriage-or-bust crew.
By my count, that just about rules out dating another human being.
If you're at peace with the idea that a certain level of risk is inevitable, though, then there are arguments to be made for and against just about anyone in any of these categories. That's why the most important questions you can ask this man are the ones that help you get to know the one you're dating, as a person (as opposed to a spouse-by-numbers). Find out who he is, what he stands for and whether you'd ever commit to him.
Dear Carolyn: This is a twist on a common problem:
My new boyfriend makes more money than I do. We take turns paying when we go out. Unfortunately, he has expensive tastes. I tend to order frugally; he orders, basically, the priciest things on the menu.
We've discussed our income disparity before, and resolved to eat out less. But when we do go out, again, it's always something that costs twice as much as what I ordered! I feel like a cheapskate for being annoyed, but I have serious money problems as it is and I'm very stressed out about them.
So how do I say, "Baby, get a burger, not the filet mignon, because I'm going to get evicted otherwise"?
Dear Reader: Common problem, but there is no twist: You need to learn to say no.
It's not a matter of the words; your "Baby ... " line is just fine, and you could also suggest splitting things equitably. Though I would argue that you need to speak up even sooner than that, and offer dately reciprocation by cooking and not dining out.
The real issue is your ability to say the words. This is your money he's spending, to the detriment of your financial and emotional health, and, since you won't stand up for yourself, he's doing it with your permission. Find your spine, and use it.
Winter, not spring, best time to find love
Dating websites have discovered that people are far more inclined to be looking for new mates in the winter months, than during the spring.
According to a report published in The Guardian on Saturday, Mary Balfour, managing director of Drawing Down the Moon, says that the most popular times for people to join dating agencies are January, February and the second week of September. Balfour, who also woks for the online agency, loveandfriends.com, says these peaks reflect people’s need to re-assess their relationship status after the holidays (no one to snuggle with during the cold winter months) and after summer (after unsuitable holiday romances). According to Match.com, the website’s busiest day ever was January 6, 2008, reflecting a rush of resolutions to find a mate.
Balfour says that people who get indifferent responses to their online dating attempts during winter months should attempt to spruce up their photographs or profiles. Balfour told The Guardian that photos need to look friendly (people with photographs are 12 times more likely to be approached) and profiles should be flirty (not sleazy) and humorous.
A US poll by Scripps Howard News Service, which questioned over a 1,000 respondents, found that more than half thought spring was no more romantic than any other time of the year. It revealed that men thought spring was far more romantic as a season than did women. According to The Guardian, there’s an argument for December being the most romantic month, as it has the highest rate of conceptions. Social anthropologists, on the other hand, believe that autumn is the peak time for trying to find a mate, as people want a companion to hold onto as the days get shorter.
Dating in office: Try to remain professional
some workplace romances end in marriage, fewer people are likely to date a co-worker.
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — Dating a co-worker is rarely a good idea, but with people spending more time at work, it happens.
Workplace and etiquette experts warn employees to proceed cautiously. Don’t send flowers to the office and certainly not an electronic card, especially an X-rated one. That will get you in even hotter water than a relationship.
“People let their guard down,” says Barbara Pachter, co-author of “New Rules Work: 9 Etiquette Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead.” “A lot of this is common sense, but when people get involved in romance, common sense goes out the window. It may ultimately impact your career.”
Apparently many workers have learned their lessons about office romance. Fewer workers are looking for love in the office, according to a Spherion Corp. survey.
Just over one-third of U.S. workers polled said they’d consider dating a co-worker, if they were single. But that number has steadily declined, from 42 percent in 2005 and 39 percent in 2007. Women, especially, are less likely to consider dating co-workers, according to the survey.
At the same time, there is less fear that a workplace romance could jeopardize one’s career, Spherion says.
“Companies have done a better job at communicating what their policies are and what some of the risks are involved. That takes away a lot of ambiguity,” says John Heins, human resources director for the Fort Lauderdale-based staffing company.
For a quarter of workers surveyed by Spherion, their workplace romances ended in marriage.
Heins met his wife while working for a previous employer. Their relationship wasn’t a problem, he said, because they worked in different departments and “we were very upfront and open with our managers,” he says.
But when such relationships go bad, it can cause headaches. The big taboo is a supervisor dating one of his or her employees; that’s never OK.
“Maybe there’s favoritism or it’s interfering with productivity of other team members,” Heins says, for example. If a manager moves one person in a relationship to another department and that worker starts performing badly, he or she could have legal recourse against the company.
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — Dating a co-worker is rarely a good idea, but with people spending more time at work, it happens.
Workplace and etiquette experts warn employees to proceed cautiously. Don’t send flowers to the office and certainly not an electronic card, especially an X-rated one. That will get you in even hotter water than a relationship.
“People let their guard down,” says Barbara Pachter, co-author of “New Rules Work: 9 Etiquette Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead.” “A lot of this is common sense, but when people get involved in romance, common sense goes out the window. It may ultimately impact your career.”
Apparently many workers have learned their lessons about office romance. Fewer workers are looking for love in the office, according to a Spherion Corp. survey.
Just over one-third of U.S. workers polled said they’d consider dating a co-worker, if they were single. But that number has steadily declined, from 42 percent in 2005 and 39 percent in 2007. Women, especially, are less likely to consider dating co-workers, according to the survey.
At the same time, there is less fear that a workplace romance could jeopardize one’s career, Spherion says.
“Companies have done a better job at communicating what their policies are and what some of the risks are involved. That takes away a lot of ambiguity,” says John Heins, human resources director for the Fort Lauderdale-based staffing company.
For a quarter of workers surveyed by Spherion, their workplace romances ended in marriage.
Heins met his wife while working for a previous employer. Their relationship wasn’t a problem, he said, because they worked in different departments and “we were very upfront and open with our managers,” he says.
But when such relationships go bad, it can cause headaches. The big taboo is a supervisor dating one of his or her employees; that’s never OK.
“Maybe there’s favoritism or it’s interfering with productivity of other team members,” Heins says, for example. If a manager moves one person in a relationship to another department and that worker starts performing badly, he or she could have legal recourse against the company.
Narrow waists, fat wallets...New trend
Psychological surveys show that most men seeking a mate want a beautiful woman or girl with a narrow waist and that most women looking for a man say they want one with a fat wallet.
Evolutionists say this arrangement makes good reproductive sense. Men see beauty as a sign of good health and a favourable waist-to-hip ratio points to a good child-bearer who would pass on her healthy genes. A woman looking to have children wants a good provider for them.
But nothing is simple, as social scientists Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick found in their recent experiments.
The pair organised 163 students from an Illinois university to try speed dating. Before the experiment, each student was photographed, graded according to their earning potential and simpatico, and each described their ideal partner. As expected, most of the men wanted a beautiful, narrow-waisted partner and most women looked for a well-heeled guy.
In speed dating a couple talk about themselves and question each other for four minutes and then decide if they want to further the relationship. After four minutes, the pair try a new partner. Some of the students talked to a dozen or more people a night.
In a short break between dates, the students were asked to rate the person they just met. Then, at home, they filled out an online form saying who, if anybody, they fancied.
The two psychologists watched hundreds of videos of the speed dates and, over the following month or so, checked on the students' impressions and any interactions between them. The team monitored dates, feelings, anxieties and sexual encounters, allowing them to check on relationships as they bloomed or wilted.
Drs Finkel and Eastwick were surprised to find how few of the students acted on their stated preferences. Few pursued people they would consider their ideal, or at least not the types of people they say they were most attracted to.
Quirks and adventure counted far more than they should have.
The psychologists suggest that either long-term wants do not appear to govern our short-term passions or, they ask, do people even know what they really want?
Critics say speed dating is a ridiculously unnatural game and quite unlike real life. But, in earlier research, psychologists were amazed at how quickly people made judgements and ranked strangers.
Apparently men and women can rate the attractiveness of the opposite sex on a scale of one to 10 in little more than a nanosecond. This instantaneous knack extends across the races.
Apparently an Oriental's ranking of a European or African of the opposite sex coincides with that of a European or an African's ranking, and vice versa, with frightening accuracy. The psychologists call it "thin-slicing". It's what half the population of Wellington does as it cruises Lambton Quay at lunchtime.
Drs Finkel and Eastwick are continuing their studies, using larger sample sizes and looking at really long-term outcomes. In an ideal world all men would marry beautiful women and all women marry wealthy men. Unfortunately . . .
Evolutionists say this arrangement makes good reproductive sense. Men see beauty as a sign of good health and a favourable waist-to-hip ratio points to a good child-bearer who would pass on her healthy genes. A woman looking to have children wants a good provider for them.
But nothing is simple, as social scientists Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick found in their recent experiments.
The pair organised 163 students from an Illinois university to try speed dating. Before the experiment, each student was photographed, graded according to their earning potential and simpatico, and each described their ideal partner. As expected, most of the men wanted a beautiful, narrow-waisted partner and most women looked for a well-heeled guy.
In speed dating a couple talk about themselves and question each other for four minutes and then decide if they want to further the relationship. After four minutes, the pair try a new partner. Some of the students talked to a dozen or more people a night.
In a short break between dates, the students were asked to rate the person they just met. Then, at home, they filled out an online form saying who, if anybody, they fancied.
The two psychologists watched hundreds of videos of the speed dates and, over the following month or so, checked on the students' impressions and any interactions between them. The team monitored dates, feelings, anxieties and sexual encounters, allowing them to check on relationships as they bloomed or wilted.
Drs Finkel and Eastwick were surprised to find how few of the students acted on their stated preferences. Few pursued people they would consider their ideal, or at least not the types of people they say they were most attracted to.
Quirks and adventure counted far more than they should have.
The psychologists suggest that either long-term wants do not appear to govern our short-term passions or, they ask, do people even know what they really want?
Critics say speed dating is a ridiculously unnatural game and quite unlike real life. But, in earlier research, psychologists were amazed at how quickly people made judgements and ranked strangers.
Apparently men and women can rate the attractiveness of the opposite sex on a scale of one to 10 in little more than a nanosecond. This instantaneous knack extends across the races.
Apparently an Oriental's ranking of a European or African of the opposite sex coincides with that of a European or an African's ranking, and vice versa, with frightening accuracy. The psychologists call it "thin-slicing". It's what half the population of Wellington does as it cruises Lambton Quay at lunchtime.
Drs Finkel and Eastwick are continuing their studies, using larger sample sizes and looking at really long-term outcomes. In an ideal world all men would marry beautiful women and all women marry wealthy men. Unfortunately . . .
The new Internet millionaires : dating site owners
He works two hours a day and makes as much as $10 million a year.
That's why Markus Frind is already considered a dot-com legend at the ripe old age of 29.
Markus Frind, founder of online dating site PlentyofFish.com, works two hours a day and may earn $10 million this year.
Running his matchmaking business from his 83-square-metre apartment in downtown Vancouver, Frind is a one-man show in a business many thought was impossible to do solo.
It's little wonder, then, that the likes of Guy Kawasaki, a well-known American venture capitalist, author and Forbes columnist, has hailed Frind a personal "hero."
But Frind is by no means the first British Columbian to become an Internet mogul.
Fellow Vancouverite Kevin Ham has an Internet portfolio of domain names worth an estimated $300 million, while Richmond blogger John Chow found online riches through his popular blog.
Then there's Vancouver couple Caterina Fake and Stewart Butterfield, creators of photo-sharing site Flickr, which was sold to Yahoo in 2005 for a rumoured $40 million.
Frind is now making his splash in the online dating industry, taking on heavyweights such as Lavalife.com, which employs no less than five vice-presidents and a string of chief officers.
"The most remarkable thing to me is this one person is able to make up to $10 million a year all by himself. It's unheard of," says Joe Tracy, editor of the industry publication Online Dating Magazine.
Frind's success is largely due to the fact that he's figured out a way to run his site on autopilot.
While other companies hire reams of programmers and marketers, Frind has just one assistant he recently hired to respond to e-mails.
"Other free sites fail because they can't control their costs. My costs are pretty much zero," he says, sitting in his Coal Harbour apartment that's decorated with Ikea art and mismatched couches.
Growing up on a farm in Hudson's Hope, 90 kilometres west of Fort St. John on the banks of the Peace River, Frind was always more interested in computers than cattle, says his mother, Erika.
After high school, Frind immediately left his "500-person town" to learn computer programming at the B.C. Institute of Technology in Burnaby.
He graduated in 1999 at the tail end of the dot-com bubble, a period marked by spectacular Internet business failures.
"I was jumping from job to job," he says. "And every six months, the company would go under."
Plenty of Fish was launched in 2003 as a pet project for Frind, who was trying to learn a new programming language called ASP.NET. He chose to build an online dating site for its dynamic platform.
From the outset, Plenty of Fish was offered as a free site, unlike most dating sites at the time.
Traffic grew fast, mostly through word of mouth. He decided to sign up with Google AdSense, which supplies web publishers with advertising, to see how far he could take Plenty of Fish.
The first cheque arrived in July 2003.
"I made $1,100 and I thought, if I made this four or five times bigger, I won't have to work again," says Frind.
Indeed, Frind doesn't have to work again. He makes upwards of $5 million a year and is projected to take in $10 million this year, he says.
Revenue comes from banner ads, Google-supplied ads and "affiliate" marketing links that send users to other dating sites.
There are about 660,000 active users -- 40,000 of them from B.C
It ranks in the top three busiest dating sites in Canada, according to comScore Media. According to Hitwise, by some measures -- time spent on the site, for example -- it ranks No. 1 in the U.S. and U.K.
Its appeal? The site is far from slick -- but it's free and the search engine works better than others, Frind says.
"Everyone lies about what they want, or they don't know what they want," he says. "I look at who they're messaging, not what they're saying."
Frind's program monitors people's behaviour and tailors search results accordingly. For example, if you're messaging a lot of people who don't post pictures of themselves, his program will pick up that quirk and return more results of people in that category.
He's also a stickler for originality. The program automatically detects lazy users who write a single message, then cut-and-paste to send the message en masse to potential dates.
"People who swear too much get deleted," Frind adds. "Unoriginal users? Delete."
Frind, who's never tried online dating himself and met his girlfriend at his last job, has his eyes set on moving into the Chinese and European markets one day.
He says he barely notices the cash that rolls in and is more interested in growing than making money.
"I'm driven," he concedes. "It's just fun winning. I feel like I'm playing a video game. There's always another level."
DATING WITH DEVIN: A few steps to remember
A victory in dating is the moment you know someone's hooked. Playing hard to get is a first step, but make sure the relationship stays exciting or it could be your last step.
It's strange, but dating is one of the few games that are less satisfying after you win.
A victory in dating is the moment you know someone's hooked. It's the night you realize that you could show up for your next date drunk in your boxers and she'd happily pull you inside and cook you dinner.
Now we could write an entire column discussing things women do that end the thrill of the chase, but let's be proactive. Here are some ways to keep a man totally enthralled.
Don't give it up
Sex is one of the few activities that you're less excited about once you finish. No one finishes building a fence and decides they're tired of the fence. People don't win a hand of poker and decide they don't want to see that deck of cards for at least a week.
But in the one game that we spend the most effort playing, victory is boring. The best part of any hookup is the prelude, the mental anguish of "will this be the night?" Once the answer is yes, guys start to worry about losing their grazing rights.
I have one friend who could teach courses on how to be a player. There hasn't been a night we've hung out that he hasn't left the bar with a phone number - or, more typically, a woman.
The one girl he's hooked up with who I've seen again is the one who wouldn't let him get more than a kiss.
The simple rule is this: If you want a second date, don't let me round second.
Mix pain with pleasure
If this is making my female readers want to join a convent and avoid men entirely, take a deep breath. The reason women should slow down when it comes to getting down is simple: Everyone loves mystery.
And once you inevitably do the deed, it's important to remember this fact because it'll give you a great advantage.
The number one complaint of my attached friends is that the relationship is boring. A first date with your hot neighbor is thrilling. A 20th date with her is a rental from Blockbuster and a 10 p.m. bedtime.
Mix it up. Inexplicably blow off date night for girls' night, go on a weekend trip or simply get angry with us - makeup sex anyone?
Be busy
If you're in the beginning stages of dating, the best way to capture my interest is to make me work to capture your time.
Deep down, men want a woman who makes other guys drool. That's why we appreciate short skirt Thursdays, low-cut top Fridays and high-heel Saturdays.
If you're busy, we automatically assume that it's because you have better offers. And this makes us want to sweeten the deal to be picked.
Wow me
In all honesty, if a guy pulls a "smash and dash" it's for one of two reasons: 1) You have bad taste in men, or 2) You're boring.
Most guys aren't jerks. There's nothing satisfying about a one-night stand, besides that one night.
What makes the difference between "some girl I went to some thing with" and "my girlfriend" is the wow factor - the moment that something clicks in my head and makes me need to see you more frequently.
I was out with a girl once and a college basketball game was on in the bar. She looks up, sees that it's 52-50 in the first half and says, "Wow, that's a lot of points for a college game."
I'm pretty sure I proposed on the spot.
-Devin Kunysz is a marketing senior who is easily impressed by feminine displays of knowledge.
-This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.
It's strange, but dating is one of the few games that are less satisfying after you win.
A victory in dating is the moment you know someone's hooked. It's the night you realize that you could show up for your next date drunk in your boxers and she'd happily pull you inside and cook you dinner.
Now we could write an entire column discussing things women do that end the thrill of the chase, but let's be proactive. Here are some ways to keep a man totally enthralled.
Don't give it up
Sex is one of the few activities that you're less excited about once you finish. No one finishes building a fence and decides they're tired of the fence. People don't win a hand of poker and decide they don't want to see that deck of cards for at least a week.
But in the one game that we spend the most effort playing, victory is boring. The best part of any hookup is the prelude, the mental anguish of "will this be the night?" Once the answer is yes, guys start to worry about losing their grazing rights.
I have one friend who could teach courses on how to be a player. There hasn't been a night we've hung out that he hasn't left the bar with a phone number - or, more typically, a woman.
The one girl he's hooked up with who I've seen again is the one who wouldn't let him get more than a kiss.
The simple rule is this: If you want a second date, don't let me round second.
Mix pain with pleasure
If this is making my female readers want to join a convent and avoid men entirely, take a deep breath. The reason women should slow down when it comes to getting down is simple: Everyone loves mystery.
And once you inevitably do the deed, it's important to remember this fact because it'll give you a great advantage.
The number one complaint of my attached friends is that the relationship is boring. A first date with your hot neighbor is thrilling. A 20th date with her is a rental from Blockbuster and a 10 p.m. bedtime.
Mix it up. Inexplicably blow off date night for girls' night, go on a weekend trip or simply get angry with us - makeup sex anyone?
Be busy
If you're in the beginning stages of dating, the best way to capture my interest is to make me work to capture your time.
Deep down, men want a woman who makes other guys drool. That's why we appreciate short skirt Thursdays, low-cut top Fridays and high-heel Saturdays.
If you're busy, we automatically assume that it's because you have better offers. And this makes us want to sweeten the deal to be picked.
Wow me
In all honesty, if a guy pulls a "smash and dash" it's for one of two reasons: 1) You have bad taste in men, or 2) You're boring.
Most guys aren't jerks. There's nothing satisfying about a one-night stand, besides that one night.
What makes the difference between "some girl I went to some thing with" and "my girlfriend" is the wow factor - the moment that something clicks in my head and makes me need to see you more frequently.
I was out with a girl once and a college basketball game was on in the bar. She looks up, sees that it's 52-50 in the first half and says, "Wow, that's a lot of points for a college game."
I'm pretty sure I proposed on the spot.
-Devin Kunysz is a marketing senior who is easily impressed by feminine displays of knowledge.
-This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.
The benefits of blind dating
Despite the anxiety associated with blind dates, going out with an unknown person does offer certain social benefits,finds Ismat Tahseen
Anyone who has been on several blind dates will probably have a horror story to tell. It may be the one about the gorgeous new guy who made the girl feel like an overstuffed tomato. Or it could be a story of the geek who turned into a Valentino wannabe. But whatever your blind date history or theory, don’t completely rule out the possibility of a happy ending. There are couples who attest to the benefits of their first blind date together that led them down the path of marital bliss. So what can a blind date offer? Read on to know more...
Excitement
While you may not know the person with whom you have scheduled a date, you must know something about him to ensure that nothing terrible can happen. As you wait for the first encounter, you might imagine all types of scenarios: Perhaps your date is a secret agent, a circus performer, or an aristocrat going incognito. Thinking of it is the airy stuff romance novels are made of, but with a pinch of reality thrown in too.
Creativity
Since you don’t really know your first-time date, you can try a new hairstyle or a dazzling outfit, something you could never wear with someone who knows you. “I once put on this French accent for my neighbour’s cousin who had come down from abroad as I wanted to show off my French learning,” laughs Nishita Lalwani, an advertising manager. “It was fun going out with a totally new person as it gave me the chance to become the person I wanted to be, even if it’s only for a few hours,” she adds.
Romance
Isn’t it wonderful to speculate that this date might be the one you will love forever? An unknown dating partner has the potential to become whoever we want or need in our lives at that point. In the hours or moments before the first meeting, you can imagine that this person will be the long-sought partner of your dreams.
Hope
If your life lately has fallen into a boring pattern of working, eating, and sleeping, then having a blind date can infuse your life with hope. There’s something new and refreshing about meeting a person about whom little is known. Enjoy this opportunity to be on the alert for new qualities, new viewpoints, and new experiences.
Anonymity
The beauty of blind dating is that you don’t have to share much of your life or your identity to find out if the person you will soon meet can be anything more than a brief acquaintance. “I used a pseudonym when I met this cute girl at a family gathering,” shares Mihir Chokshi, an accountant. “Things didn’t go to stage two, so I am glad that I stayed incognito,” he laughs.
Blind dating offers many benefits that cannot be matched by conventional dating. The next time a well-meaning relative or friend offers to fix you up, don’t be so quick to turn down the offer. You never know what you’re missing.
Anyone who has been on several blind dates will probably have a horror story to tell. It may be the one about the gorgeous new guy who made the girl feel like an overstuffed tomato. Or it could be a story of the geek who turned into a Valentino wannabe. But whatever your blind date history or theory, don’t completely rule out the possibility of a happy ending. There are couples who attest to the benefits of their first blind date together that led them down the path of marital bliss. So what can a blind date offer? Read on to know more...
Excitement
While you may not know the person with whom you have scheduled a date, you must know something about him to ensure that nothing terrible can happen. As you wait for the first encounter, you might imagine all types of scenarios: Perhaps your date is a secret agent, a circus performer, or an aristocrat going incognito. Thinking of it is the airy stuff romance novels are made of, but with a pinch of reality thrown in too.
Creativity
Since you don’t really know your first-time date, you can try a new hairstyle or a dazzling outfit, something you could never wear with someone who knows you. “I once put on this French accent for my neighbour’s cousin who had come down from abroad as I wanted to show off my French learning,” laughs Nishita Lalwani, an advertising manager. “It was fun going out with a totally new person as it gave me the chance to become the person I wanted to be, even if it’s only for a few hours,” she adds.
Romance
Isn’t it wonderful to speculate that this date might be the one you will love forever? An unknown dating partner has the potential to become whoever we want or need in our lives at that point. In the hours or moments before the first meeting, you can imagine that this person will be the long-sought partner of your dreams.
Hope
If your life lately has fallen into a boring pattern of working, eating, and sleeping, then having a blind date can infuse your life with hope. There’s something new and refreshing about meeting a person about whom little is known. Enjoy this opportunity to be on the alert for new qualities, new viewpoints, and new experiences.
Anonymity
The beauty of blind dating is that you don’t have to share much of your life or your identity to find out if the person you will soon meet can be anything more than a brief acquaintance. “I used a pseudonym when I met this cute girl at a family gathering,” shares Mihir Chokshi, an accountant. “Things didn’t go to stage two, so I am glad that I stayed incognito,” he laughs.
Blind dating offers many benefits that cannot be matched by conventional dating. The next time a well-meaning relative or friend offers to fix you up, don’t be so quick to turn down the offer. You never know what you’re missing.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Snowblowers not out of style just yet
Snowblowers, shovels and salt are the weapons of choice this weekend for area residents.
Anything to do with snow removal was flying off the shelves of local stores Friday as a winter storm brewed outside.
A weekend storm was expected to dump up to a foot of snow on the Massillon area, according to the National Weather Service in Cleveland.
“We’re selling anything winterization basically,” said Matt Culler, manager of the Lowe’s in Massillon. “It’s pretty much a constant. Anytime they announce a storm, it seems like there’s usually a rush for it.”
Ice scrapers and windshield washer fluid also were going fast, according to Culler.
But residents hoping to pick up a snowblower, however, could be out of luck. Orders for the machines are usually placed during the summer months, and Culler said the Massillon store recently sold out of its stock.
Rock salt also is in short supply due to high demand, Culler said.
“We have some more coming in (today),” he said. “It’s hard to get right now.”
As of Friday morning, Demmer Hardware had just one bag of salt in stock and a few shovels.
“The problem is the suppliers have run out and they don’t want to order anymore this time of year,” employee Dan Reed said. “We ordered shovels a week or two ago but never got any in. This late in the season, it’s going to be all we can do to find any.”
By contrast, the store had a plentiful supply of snow removal equipment earlier this winter, Reed said.
Anything to do with snow removal was flying off the shelves of local stores Friday as a winter storm brewed outside.
A weekend storm was expected to dump up to a foot of snow on the Massillon area, according to the National Weather Service in Cleveland.
“We’re selling anything winterization basically,” said Matt Culler, manager of the Lowe’s in Massillon. “It’s pretty much a constant. Anytime they announce a storm, it seems like there’s usually a rush for it.”
Ice scrapers and windshield washer fluid also were going fast, according to Culler.
But residents hoping to pick up a snowblower, however, could be out of luck. Orders for the machines are usually placed during the summer months, and Culler said the Massillon store recently sold out of its stock.
Rock salt also is in short supply due to high demand, Culler said.
“We have some more coming in (today),” he said. “It’s hard to get right now.”
As of Friday morning, Demmer Hardware had just one bag of salt in stock and a few shovels.
“The problem is the suppliers have run out and they don’t want to order anymore this time of year,” employee Dan Reed said. “We ordered shovels a week or two ago but never got any in. This late in the season, it’s going to be all we can do to find any.”
By contrast, the store had a plentiful supply of snow removal equipment earlier this winter, Reed said.
Even old folks need romance...
The Dutch Red Cross will send buses with volunteers carrying roses to old age homes on Valentine's Day to urge lonely pensioners to ask others out on a date, a spokesperson said on Wednesday.
"Valentine's Day is the day of love and we want to contribute," Red Cross spokesperson Sebastien Kraaijeveld told reporters ahead of Thursday's events.
A team of young volunteers will make surprise visits to nursing homes and try to get elderly residents to talk about love and what Valentine's Day means to them.
The volunteers will bring two roses, one for the pensioner they speak to and the other for them to give to somebody they would like to go on a date with, Kraaijeveld said.
The romantic initiative is part of a Red Cross programme to bring youngsters in contact with the elderly.
According to the Red Cross, recent studies show that out of a population of 16 million, some one million Dutch feel lonely and the majority of those people are over 65 years old.
"Valentine's Day is the day of love and we want to contribute," Red Cross spokesperson Sebastien Kraaijeveld told reporters ahead of Thursday's events.
A team of young volunteers will make surprise visits to nursing homes and try to get elderly residents to talk about love and what Valentine's Day means to them.
The volunteers will bring two roses, one for the pensioner they speak to and the other for them to give to somebody they would like to go on a date with, Kraaijeveld said.
The romantic initiative is part of a Red Cross programme to bring youngsters in contact with the elderly.
According to the Red Cross, recent studies show that out of a population of 16 million, some one million Dutch feel lonely and the majority of those people are over 65 years old.
Even old folks need romance...
The Dutch Red Cross will send buses with volunteers carrying roses to old age homes on Valentine's Day to urge lonely pensioners to ask others out on a date, a spokesperson said on Wednesday.
"Valentine's Day is the day of love and we want to contribute," Red Cross spokesperson Sebastien Kraaijeveld told reporters ahead of Thursday's events.
A team of young volunteers will make surprise visits to nursing homes and try to get elderly residents to talk about love and what Valentine's Day means to them.
The volunteers will bring two roses, one for the pensioner they speak to and the other for them to give to somebody they would like to go on a date with, Kraaijeveld said.
The romantic initiative is part of a Red Cross programme to bring youngsters in contact with the elderly.
According to the Red Cross, recent studies show that out of a population of 16 million, some one million Dutch feel lonely and the majority of those people are over 65 years old.
"Valentine's Day is the day of love and we want to contribute," Red Cross spokesperson Sebastien Kraaijeveld told reporters ahead of Thursday's events.
A team of young volunteers will make surprise visits to nursing homes and try to get elderly residents to talk about love and what Valentine's Day means to them.
The volunteers will bring two roses, one for the pensioner they speak to and the other for them to give to somebody they would like to go on a date with, Kraaijeveld said.
The romantic initiative is part of a Red Cross programme to bring youngsters in contact with the elderly.
According to the Red Cross, recent studies show that out of a population of 16 million, some one million Dutch feel lonely and the majority of those people are over 65 years old.
Even old folks need romance...
The Dutch Red Cross will send buses with volunteers carrying roses to old age homes on Valentine's Day to urge lonely pensioners to ask others out on a date, a spokesperson said on Wednesday.
"Valentine's Day is the day of love and we want to contribute," Red Cross spokesperson Sebastien Kraaijeveld told reporters ahead of Thursday's events.
A team of young volunteers will make surprise visits to nursing homes and try to get elderly residents to talk about love and what Valentine's Day means to them.
The volunteers will bring two roses, one for the pensioner they speak to and the other for them to give to somebody they would like to go on a date with, Kraaijeveld said.
The romantic initiative is part of a Red Cross programme to bring youngsters in contact with the elderly.
According to the Red Cross, recent studies show that out of a population of 16 million, some one million Dutch feel lonely and the majority of those people are over 65 years old.
"Valentine's Day is the day of love and we want to contribute," Red Cross spokesperson Sebastien Kraaijeveld told reporters ahead of Thursday's events.
A team of young volunteers will make surprise visits to nursing homes and try to get elderly residents to talk about love and what Valentine's Day means to them.
The volunteers will bring two roses, one for the pensioner they speak to and the other for them to give to somebody they would like to go on a date with, Kraaijeveld said.
The romantic initiative is part of a Red Cross programme to bring youngsters in contact with the elderly.
According to the Red Cross, recent studies show that out of a population of 16 million, some one million Dutch feel lonely and the majority of those people are over 65 years old.
Web Dating Game Heats Up
Yahoo!'s (YHOO - Cramer's Take - Stockpickr) Yahoo! Personals and IAC/InterActiveCorp's (IACI - Cramer's Take - Stockpickr) Match.com, two of the largest Internet dating sites, are stepping up their efforts to weed their services of abusive, obnoxious or married people.
Earlier this year, Yahoo! instituted a code of conduct for online daters in which they must swear that they are single and won't be abusive toward other members. The company also has made it easier for members to report misbehavior. Match.Com has added additional people to its fraud and abuse unit, says Thomas Enraght-Moony, a Match.com senior vice president.
The effort comes as the online dating market consolidates and surviving services fight off competition for loyal users from social network sites like Friendster.com and News Corp.'s (NWS - Cramer's Take - Stockpickr) Myspace.com, which also offer free dating, and smaller upstarts such as True.com.
"They have got very significant brands that they have to protect," says Mark Brooks, who runs the blog onlinepersonalswatch.com. "They can't have people who are scamming, spamming, being obscene or being obnoxious. It's very bad for their brand."
Building a brand is key for Internet sites as they vie to win the public's attention. Over the past few months, Yahoo! has added financial columnists to its site and reports from war correspondent Kevin Sites. New York-based InterActive has sought growth through acquisitions, including July's $1.9 billion purchase of the Ask Jeeves search engine.
The enormous emphasis that Web companies place on drawing new users is evident in the recent surge in attention paid to Time Warner's (TWX - Cramer's Take - Stockpickr) America Online. After years of subscriber losses, AOL has emerged in recent months as a hot property because of the reach of its Web sites.
For Yahoo! and IAC, online dating is a serious business because it helps drive traffic, though the dating sites themselves aren't big revenue generators. Sunnyvale, Calif.-based Yahoo! doesn't release specific earnings results for its services. Revenue from fees Yahoo! customers pay for offerings such as dating and fantasy football rose 55% in the third quarter to $170 million, representing about 13% of the company's overall sales in the quarter. Third-quarter sales at Match.Com were $66 million, up 33% from a year earlier.
About 11% of all online users have a profile on an online dating site, according to research by Jupiter Media. The research firm estimates that the U.S. online dating market will hit $516 million this year, a 9% increase from last year. That's a slowdown from the 72% growth seen in 2002 and the 77% growth in 2003.
"The market is reaching maturity," Jupiter Research analyst Nate Elliott told the blog onlinepersonalswatch.com in a recent interview. "Two things have happened. First, people have already gone through online personals sites for the first time. Some subscribe, and then about half of them come back for a second go and some visit but don't subscribe. It gets to a point where so many people have visited these sites and decided whether they want to use them, so there are fewer consumers 'just curious' to have a look. It's no longer the 'new thing.'"
A study by Keynote Systems, a market research firm, found that 38% of online daters felt that people misrepresented themselves on the services. Jupiter Research found that 35% of online daters were somewhat dissatisfied or very dissatisfied with the sites, compared with 29% who liked them.
Match.com's Enraght-Moony counters that the behavior in the online world is no worse than offline. Indeed, demand for online dating continues to be strong as the acceptance of it grows. In February, a survey by WeddingChannel.com found that 12% of engaged or married couples met online.
In order to attract customers, online dating services are trying to attract customers who are serious about meeting someone and leery of being victimized. They also are trying to differentiate themselves by adding premium services like more advanced matching.
Match.com's efforts have paid off. The company ended nine straight quarters of flat profit growth and boosted the number of paid subscribers by 19% in the third quarter to 1.17 million. Yahoo! doesn't provide membership figures. Membership gains were also seen by eHarmony.com and True.Com.
Fighting against scammers is a continual battle for the dating sites. Scammers can be difficult to catch because many are based overseas. Additionally, users often are embarrassed to admit that they have been conned. A news group, anti-spammers@groups.yahoo.com, has been formed on Yahoo! to monitor these scams.
"It's so damn easy to start a dating site," says David Evans, who runs the blog onlinedatinginsider.com. "You can put one up in an afternoon."
Earlier this year, Yahoo! instituted a code of conduct for online daters in which they must swear that they are single and won't be abusive toward other members. The company also has made it easier for members to report misbehavior. Match.Com has added additional people to its fraud and abuse unit, says Thomas Enraght-Moony, a Match.com senior vice president.
The effort comes as the online dating market consolidates and surviving services fight off competition for loyal users from social network sites like Friendster.com and News Corp.'s (NWS - Cramer's Take - Stockpickr) Myspace.com, which also offer free dating, and smaller upstarts such as True.com.
"They have got very significant brands that they have to protect," says Mark Brooks, who runs the blog onlinepersonalswatch.com. "They can't have people who are scamming, spamming, being obscene or being obnoxious. It's very bad for their brand."
Building a brand is key for Internet sites as they vie to win the public's attention. Over the past few months, Yahoo! has added financial columnists to its site and reports from war correspondent Kevin Sites. New York-based InterActive has sought growth through acquisitions, including July's $1.9 billion purchase of the Ask Jeeves search engine.
The enormous emphasis that Web companies place on drawing new users is evident in the recent surge in attention paid to Time Warner's (TWX - Cramer's Take - Stockpickr) America Online. After years of subscriber losses, AOL has emerged in recent months as a hot property because of the reach of its Web sites.
For Yahoo! and IAC, online dating is a serious business because it helps drive traffic, though the dating sites themselves aren't big revenue generators. Sunnyvale, Calif.-based Yahoo! doesn't release specific earnings results for its services. Revenue from fees Yahoo! customers pay for offerings such as dating and fantasy football rose 55% in the third quarter to $170 million, representing about 13% of the company's overall sales in the quarter. Third-quarter sales at Match.Com were $66 million, up 33% from a year earlier.
About 11% of all online users have a profile on an online dating site, according to research by Jupiter Media. The research firm estimates that the U.S. online dating market will hit $516 million this year, a 9% increase from last year. That's a slowdown from the 72% growth seen in 2002 and the 77% growth in 2003.
"The market is reaching maturity," Jupiter Research analyst Nate Elliott told the blog onlinepersonalswatch.com in a recent interview. "Two things have happened. First, people have already gone through online personals sites for the first time. Some subscribe, and then about half of them come back for a second go and some visit but don't subscribe. It gets to a point where so many people have visited these sites and decided whether they want to use them, so there are fewer consumers 'just curious' to have a look. It's no longer the 'new thing.'"
A study by Keynote Systems, a market research firm, found that 38% of online daters felt that people misrepresented themselves on the services. Jupiter Research found that 35% of online daters were somewhat dissatisfied or very dissatisfied with the sites, compared with 29% who liked them.
Match.com's Enraght-Moony counters that the behavior in the online world is no worse than offline. Indeed, demand for online dating continues to be strong as the acceptance of it grows. In February, a survey by WeddingChannel.com found that 12% of engaged or married couples met online.
In order to attract customers, online dating services are trying to attract customers who are serious about meeting someone and leery of being victimized. They also are trying to differentiate themselves by adding premium services like more advanced matching.
Match.com's efforts have paid off. The company ended nine straight quarters of flat profit growth and boosted the number of paid subscribers by 19% in the third quarter to 1.17 million. Yahoo! doesn't provide membership figures. Membership gains were also seen by eHarmony.com and True.Com.
Fighting against scammers is a continual battle for the dating sites. Scammers can be difficult to catch because many are based overseas. Additionally, users often are embarrassed to admit that they have been conned. A news group, anti-spammers@groups.yahoo.com, has been formed on Yahoo! to monitor these scams.
"It's so damn easy to start a dating site," says David Evans, who runs the blog onlinedatinginsider.com. "You can put one up in an afternoon."
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