Glamour’s readers revolted, and dating blogger Mike Cherico has been axed. We won’t pretend to have read most (any?) of his dating tales (where he claims to date a different girl each night of the week), but suffice the say, Glamour.com’s readers have, and they’re disgusted. “Honestly, Mike is exactly what scared me about my daughters dating one day,” wrote one commenter.
So goes the scenario: He was dating a one “Miss Smarty Shoes,” who he was enthralled with, even letting her take over the blog for a day. She invited him to a concert, but he saw a cut on her lip, which he immediately concluded was herpes, thus giving him free reign to hold hands with another woman while on the date. So … women frown on that?
Not helping things: “Miss Smarty Shoes” has been posting vociferously on the site. One of her rambling lists of anecdotes follows.
So the rest of this piece is about trust and Mike Cherico.
Mike is a recreational liar. It’s possible he is in fact a compulsive or pathalogical liar but I honestly don’t know him well enough and I’m not going to diagnose him. He lies so naturally that he loses track of the truth. For him, if a lie is easier to say then it becomes reality (ie; when he told me he’d had sex that day rather than bringing up what was actually bothering him.)
Below are some more anecdotes about my experiences with Mike, trust and truth:
Let’s start with the “amazing woman” Mike was apparantly holding hands with at the concert that I took him too (and paid for.) If it gives you some idea of his taste in women, she was a skanky, fake-boobed bimbo wearing a slutty outfit and Uggs from 2004 who looked like she’d just come off of ROCK OF LOVE 2. If someone in this story has herpes, it was that girl. She was giving me nasty looks the whole show and I asked Mike if he’d noticed- of course not. Bear in mind that while Mike was, I now realize, holding hands with this tramp, he was also stroking my hair, kissing the top of my head, etc. I am literally at a loss for how to articulate what a disgusting person he is. Mike, I am a beautiful woman, and how dare you try to make me feel like anything less.
Mike called our date at the Rustic short last week because he “had to go make a drug deal.”
The brilliant thing about Mike’s worrying about my having a disease is that the first night we met we had unprotected sex. It’s literally the only time I have not used a condom with someone who wasn’t a boyfriend (I am on birth control) and I am furious with myself for letting it happen. Suffice it to say that, given our respective lifestyles, if we took a poll of who was more likely to have an STD, me or Mike, I’d feel pretty confident about my odds. Concert Girl might screw up the race Nader-style, tho!
The first night I went out with Mike a woman called repeatedly and he asked me to answer the phone, which I did, saying “Mike’s office.” I thought it was some past fling booty-calling him. Turns out it was his ex-girlfriend of a year who he had been talking to earlier and who was calling him distraught about their conversation. Had I known this was a person who he had had an actual relationship with I would NEVER have gotten involved. So that’s how Mike treats people he ostensibly used to love. He also put me on mute once so I could listen to her talking to him about how much she missed him. She thought they were having a private conversation, but Mike was in fact egging her on for my benefit to show me how “crazy” she was. If she’s reading this, please please do not think Mike will ever treat you the way you deserve to be treated because he is just not a good man. He once told me you’re not good at your job and just get by on your looks. You deserve so much better and he doesn’t have it in him.
Most of the times I have made plans with Mike he doesn’t follow through, doesn’t call to explain, and then lies about it later. I didn’t invite him to my birthday party for exactly that reason, but he found out about it and made a huge deal of the fact that he wasn’t invited, so I invited him, then of course he didn’t show up. The next morning he texted me to ask if i wanted to get lunch. I presumed he was trying to make up for the previous night and agreed. Two hours later I hadn’t heard from him and called his cell. Turns out he was out to breakfast with another woman but told me to “meet him at the Rustic in a couple hours.” Romantic. (I imagine most readers are wondering why I continued to make plans with him despite this shit and I promise I’m going to address that at the end of this piece so please bear with me.) While in the shower, I missed his call. An hour and multiple calls later he told me he’d come by but since I didn’t pick up my phone he had fallen asleep, in his car. So I texted him to go fuck himself, that he was the stupidest man I’d ever dated, and that I was going to the rustic by myself. He immediately called me and said he was on his way to meet me at the Inn.
It gets creepier. As he was on his way to meet me, he called me and said he’d been wanting to talk to me for awhile about how I really feel about him because he likes me a lot. I was very guarded in my response and told him we could discuss it in person. He said he really wanted to talk now and that he couldn’t believe I really liked him for x, y and z reasons. When it became clear I was not going to give a substantive response he started laughing maniacally and said “I’m just kidding.”
It still gets creepier. When I later told him that was an extremely disrespectful thing to do and asked why, he told me that the woman from breakfast was still in the car with him, that she’d asked him why so many girls like him and he’d put me on speakerphone before calling so she could listen to my response. So basically he tried to lure me into an emotional confession only for the amusement of another girl. Keep in mind this was after he’d said he had fallen asleep and missed my calls, which was clearly a lie since he was still with this other woman.
Those select tales say nothing of the thousands of little lies Mike tells as part of regular conversation. It’s virtually impossible to know what to believe. He also clearly uses lying/”kidding” as a way to back out of things he wishes he hadn’t disclosed. He will say something and if you don’t react the way he wanted he’ll start laughing and exclaim “I was just kidding!” like a child.
He also got really jealous of my other dates and clearly couldn’t handle being on the other side of that treatment. Pretty hilarious.
One more X-rated Mike story just because I’ve been dying to share it (I don’t recommend reading this paragaph if you’re sensitive.) He is, like he’s said in the blog, truly terrible in bed. He basically just lies there and lets the girl do all the work. I thought it was just a first time thing but the morning after we slept together, we had sex again, and I went down on him and let him finish in in my mouth. I was literally sitting there with the taste of him still in my throat when he stood up to take a shower. He had now had two orgasms to my zero, so I asked if he might orally reciprocate. He, with no hesitation or hint of sarcasm, proclaimed “I don’t know you that well!” and turned on the faucet. Frankly, it’s a pretty obvious metaphor for his selfishness and laziness in relationships and how his pleasure is his only concern. But anyone who can say anything that rude without flinching is clearly playing his own game.
And now a little on me.
Lest you think me a vindictive harlot, I told Mike I was going to write this and he said he didn’t care…. an obvious lie but one he insisted upon. I’m not trying to get back at him for his piece today, because his life is no longer my concern and I hope I’m lucky enough never to see him again, but even when I asked him if he wanted me to take it easy on him he said it didn’t matter, he didn’t care, nothing matters, do whatever I want. Even in something which I do believe he values, his blog, he still couldn’t stop with the deceitful, “it’s your problem not mine you stupid bitch” act and ask me, human to human, to keep these things private. So I thought it was time he came to terms with the fact that the things you say become the reality you live.
That said, I completely understand that all of you reading this must not think very much of me for dating someone like this, so here is my attempt to explain why I continued to see Mike.
For starters, I regret it more than I can say. As I reread what I wrote above I am viciously angry with myself for letting someone of such low moral fiber ever treat me this way. He is hands down the most bizarre, mean, selfish and delusional person I’ve ever met. (Not to mention that he’s not very smart, and even though my post today is hardly Hemingway I think you’ll agree with me that I can write circles around this guy. Frankly, he’s just not a very good writer.) His behavior is so far off the charts of what is acceptable in normal relationships it needs transalation, like “Well in Mike’s world this is what that meant.” But that’s why people like me are drawn to him, I am embarrassed to say. We think that if we can just understand him, we can help him. We believe with true love and support he will change, and if we can be the woman to do it, that will validate us somehow. It’s no accident in my mind that he was in a serious relationship with a shrink.
Mike lies so often that it doesn’t occur to him that other people are honest. He claims not to trust me and doesn’t know if he can believe my preposterous lip-biting story because clearly I am trying to dupe him into herpes. The paranoid paradigm in which he lives is a very lonely place.
Last night I trusted Mike to drive me home. Despite my protests, he took out a bottle of liquor and chugged it while driving. On the freeway. I found out later that he was a lot drunker than I realized when we left the concert. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for being in such a dangerous situation with someone with such little respect for others.
It really pains me to have typed all this out because listed in this format I really can’t justify to myself why I kept seeing him. There were definitely substantial moments where he dropped the act and what’s underneath was very appealing, but it’s so obvious in reading this that he’s a terrible person and no other qualities, no matter how positive, could make up for the above. By comparison, I think I try really hard to see the good in people. Because I saw something special in Mike beneath the crap I thought I could bring it out. Because I have flaws and suffer from destructive impulses I thought he deserved forgiveness and understanding. I don’t feel that way any more. I have too much respect for people to ever treat them the way Mike does, whether they’re a boyfriend, co-worker, family member or stranger on the street.
And I will state for the record that I don’t think any of this has to do with his blog. These patterns are too ingrained to be recent occurrences. He uses the writing as an excuse to be cruel and the serial dating as an excuse not to change. Like I’ve said before, I think the lying and destructive behavior are an elaborate defense system Mike has erected to keep himself from getting attached to anyone where he might risk getting hurt. He is inconsistent in his versions of the truth and then aggressive in blaming the other person for requesting clarification. He’s so enmeshed in his own crap I don’t think he could be self-aware if he tried. He changes the subject constantly to avoid being caught in his fake stories. It’s so impossible for him to take responsibility for anything he has done wrong that he lies even to himself. Frankly, I think the reflection in the mirror is just too painful.
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